Retarded USC Girl

there are days when the indecisions and the close guard we keep on our emotions, and our bits of conscience and hesitation combine..... they morph into some giant orb and sit deep within your stomach. they turn and bubble and roill and gnaw at you for the longest time. It is like a persistent headache.... always there.... usually there.... mostly there... throbbing... coming and going.... and aggravations galore.

So you sit back and you wonder.... about all those indecisions.... and how close that guard relaly needs to be, and that grip of emotion and consciene and all those moments of stopping and starting... that hesitation... those precious seconds that you wasted. you play all the what-ifs through your mind.... until you live them and you dont care anymore.

And you become decisive, and you let your guard down. You run with those emotions that war within you. you acknowledge that conscience and you dont let it burden you with guilt and pain and anguish. You realize that you are just as human as anyone else. You act now... in the moment. You dance when the song starts, you sing when you remember the words and you mumble over the parts you dont.... and you do that loudly. You just live. Live for the moments.... not for the minutes that have already passed. yesterday may have been golden.... but gold loses that luster in time. tomorrow .... tomorrow is a grand idea.... but today.... today is what I live for.

- odd to get calls at work n recognize the person on the other end of the line from High School. ironic lil world... indeed "lil" is appropriate. It is a good day

posted by Ashlyn @ 8:21 AM