Retarded USC Girl

You Got Served

I saw that movie last night…. And I must say, I never fully realized the dance crazy subcultures that have emerged. To view these movies, one is left with the startling realization that young black men are no longer joining gangs, they are joining dance troupes. Say good bye to the Bloods and the Crips. Say Hello to the Sharks and the Jets.

South Park had a wonderful take on this dance crazy phenomenon. Even in South Park, a renegade dance troupe can challenge others to a street dancing competition filled with gay ass break dancing that takes one back to the days before years of drug abuse gave the Beastie Boys a speech impediment leading to their new hit “ch-check it out”.

Getting served is a mystery to me. As a “city-fied” white girl, I know that my age group and basic demographic could potentially be affected by this underground dance scene. So, how do I prepare myself to fare well in a dance off on Gervais Street? What can I do to keep from getting served?

Watching “You Got Served” along with “Save the Last Dance” and the grand daddy of street “serving”, “Footloose”, I have gained a few tips. Since this subculture is making its way out of the dusty warehouses and government housing, you may be faced with it during your lunch hour, on your way home from work, or most likely, as you are in the midst of a bar crawl.

What should you do to keep from being served?

1. Practice like crazy when you are home. Practice alone so you can be the prized member of your “crew”. Also practice with your crew so you will fare well in a stand off with a rival crew.
2. The more leaps the better! Nothing is cooler than seeing grown thug black men sail through the air in a fairy like leap. You can do it too!
3. Be aggressive! No this is not a cheer, but you have to seem angry. Have a scowl on your face while you are doing your hip hop best!
4. Break dance like your life depends on it! The more break dancing you can throw into the mix, the better. Spin on your head, walk on your hands, contort your legs, spin, spin, spin, they didn’t wax that floor for nothing!
5. Be mad at a member of your troupe…uh, I mean, crew. You have to have angst… it makes you a stronger dancer!
6. Have a member of your crew get shot, so you can do a tribute dance off. Or, if you are fairly Yuppie, if a friend gets a shot… have a dance off with an unruly orderly.
7. Dress in the same colors as your crew.
8. Give your crew a very hip-hop-tastic name! This name should instill fear in rival crews, but also convey your dancing prowess!
9. You must give yourself some turf. This could be your subdivision or even just a designated street. If you and your carpool are having trouble with the trash down the way, challenge them! This is also a real possibility for people in apartment complexes. Challenge other complexes! You own this city!
10. Finally, should you be served (severely embarrassed because another crew out danced you in public), take it like a man/woman. Once you have been served, you have to live with that mark of shame for a life time. The only way to remove yourself from your new found servitude is to go home and practice. Put on your headband and legwarmers. Pull out that old leotard. Put in the sound track to “Fame” and “Footloose” and maybe even some Abba. You are the dancing queen. And when I say queen, man, do I mean it! You have to go back out there and challenge the people that served you!

In this day and age, it is hard to know exactly when or where you may be challenged to a dance off. This article is not intended to scare you. The vast majority of us will go through life without ever having to face off in a very choreographed group dance on the street. The odds of your being challenged, however; are high if you are:

1. An Adidas clad young black man with an attitude and some original moves.
2. Living in an all-white town that banned dancing years ago because some kids died.
Other than these instances, you should be ok, but you never know. These dance offs are spreading like an epidemic. Before you know it, there could be wheel chair spin offs and disabled dance offs. Imagine the humiliation of being served by a disabled person.

So, as we as a society enroll in dance classes and sweat it out in our basements developing our craft, we realize that times have changed. The simple days of being able to walk down the streets carefree are over. In some ways, we are all slaves to the dance, and in this girl’s opinion, only Michael Flatley, the Lord of the Dance, can save us.

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:04 PM