Retarded USC Girl

So there comes a time, in a friendship, or more aptly, in a life, when our position shifts. The status of where you are in life, not who you are - but WHERE, can change dramatically. There are the big things.... highschool, college, marriage, babies, retirement lol. So, when you are in high school, you remain close to those friends, and then when you all go to different colleges, you are left with fond memories, but then new college friends.... and your college friends are great. You all stay in touch over the summers and then you graduate. The ones you graduated with, you still party with - you have so much in common. The friends that are still in college, you are left with an "I remember when" attitude.... but you love them just the same. They hang out more with their friends who are still in college and you hang out with your grads. You have the same priorities.... the same things in common.

So, here I am.... a grad. Stuck in the middle between friends still in school and friends about to step down the aisle. I couldn't be happier for them, really, I couldnt.... but then I am also the third wheel. I find myself more and more often drifting closer to my single friends. They understand what it is like to be single... the day to day routine of it, without the "I remember whens". This is not to say that I am drifting away from my married (or soon to be married) friends, but in reality, I realize that they are interested in things that I am not, and I am interested in things that they are not, and we as people havent changed. The who is the same, but the where has shifted.

SO we are at different places in our lives. This, by no means, means that we are less of friends or that our friendship will come to a screeching halt, but it does mean that as time goes on, they will do married things together and I will still be off chasing dick in the local bars. A married woman will not have fun watching me chase some ass around in the bar.... most importantly that will all be a part of her past. My friends are amazing, wonderful people... and I love them, and I will always be friends with them, we will just have to work harder at our relationship when all of us are at different places in our lives.

So, this evening, I mentioned this to 2 friends about to get married. One understood, as she has been down this road before.... HS friends married and connections were lost -priorities were not the same. One became royally pissed off. My favorite line of hers (and the most remarkably hurtful one, I might add) was "Well, if we are not gonna be friends after I get married, why are we pretending now?". This was followed somewhere down the line with a random "you are my best friend, and it hurt me that you would say that... etc" ... so I sat there, smoking a too delicious Marlboro Menthol Light, and I tried to explain.... and in the end, I think she understood. I hope she understood.

I dont think that I am being a bitch here. Really, I dont, but in the end, I feel like she has listened, but missed the point of the story. She thinks I said something hurtful. I apologized for phrasing it the way I did.... I explained my case... and she said some remarkably hurtful things. Is that friendship now? A tit for tat rendition of the 4th grade waltz, hurt me and I'll hurt you back? I think the pain of something like "Why are we pretending now?" is really enveloped in the fact that someone you love so deeply could intentionally say something so mean and aimed to scorn.... and verbally bash the one thing she is mad at you for questioning. Oh well, I will forgive that she said it.... as that is what friends do....

And it is my sincere hope, that in 50 years, we are all still friends.... living wonderful lives.... I hope for that with everything honest and pure in me..... my friendships are amazing, wonderful, and strong, and I think that regardless of where we are in life, we can still hold on to that bond. Who knows, maybe I am just a bitch.

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:13 PM