The answer: I think your life sucks right now because you want there to be reciprocation. Are you really only a good person just because you think you will be rewarded for it?
I have honestly come to that point where I realize full well that is not how the system works. If you are good - good for you, but don't think that all the glory and wonders of the world will fall into your lap because of it. Your prayers are not answered! Big deal. I want to just shake the person and say "Well. Did it ever occur to you that in the grand scheme of things - your prayer really didn't matter.... it was inconsequential in the long run... either that or God doesn't exist." hee hee that kills me.
I think that its easy to be a good person when the world is going your way, but when you are down and out and the world has really made you shit and fall in it - you would just rather say "Fuck You" and be on your way.
I dunno.... I have just never really heard an adult say that before.... to verbalize it. I mean - outloud to other people... to cry over it.... "I'm a good person... my life sucks. it's not fair!" There is no fair. We are not guaranteed fair. Fair is an idea we created to make ourselves feel better.
Everyone's life turns to shit at some point. Wow, I am quite the cynical philosopher. My mom died. My Dad married a retarded psycho whore. Went nuts himself. Divorced her. I had a mental break I believe... panic attacks, enough Xanax to kill a small horse...
I would love to say that I believe we all find our way through it, but in truth - a handful of us will off ourselves. A few will mire through the muck and find that fairness .... that reward. The rest of us will stay trapped in the shit with no hope of rescue. I think, in the end, all you can do is get comfortable with where you are. Realize that you might be the one to stay stuck or the one to off himself.... but keep the hope that you will be the one who makes it out.... Hope is a powerful instrument.
Labels: life's not fair
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