Retarded USC Girl

Mr. Eddie died yesterday... on jessica's birthday.... her 21st birthday... a day that should be celebrated and end in the girl heaved into a lump on the floor -- vomitting profusely. it didnt happen that way. Eddie would have wanted her to party.... he would have wanted her to live her life.... she said she finally cut her cake and that was as far as the birthday went. Mr Eddie.... he is an awesome guy, and he is really one of those people... that I would be less of a person if I had never known him. It is truly sad to say that the world lost one of the good ones yesterday... but it did.

I dont really handle death very well. I mean, I just try to look at it at face value.... and I never skim much further than the surface. I take death on mildly.... and in my heart of hearts I fear only one aspect of it. I dont fear my own death --- I fear pain. My reaosning for that is a combination of faiths and the pain part is that I am a wuss. My HUGE fear is losing my parents. I know one day they will die.... its a fact, but I dread that day and know I wont be able to handle it... and secretly I pray I will go before them, so I wont have to live with that kind of grief. I LOVE my parents sooo much. They are amazing people.

So, death is in the air.... but I have come to believe in a kinder version of death... a merciful reaper. I think that was Eddie's death. His cancer had gotten so bad, it had consumed his body. His spirit was still alive and kicking, but tired.... and he needed a rest. No more alarm clocks, no more bad diet foods that cost three times as much and taste three times worse. No more pissy bitchy people, no more 5 o clock traffic in the heat, no more oil changes...

.... no more cheesecake, no more laughter,,,, not in this realm anyway. I am glad his pain is over. He deserves to be at peace. But I am selfish and I wish he was here. We all wish he was here. Eddie... you are hillarious. I will always rememebr you fondly!

No my life is quite the Drama Club as Mark would say. Whhen tragedy arises.... good springs forth as well.... my emotions are a livewire. I am upset... at Eddies death... yet somehow I immediately find peace in it and comfort in knowing his pain is over. That he can be at peace. But still knowing all the while, that we will all miss him. Laying out the black dresses (and the ultra sassy black n white one) to take with me to Savannah for the services. I am weairng the black scoop neck one now.... its like Round 4 cocktail dress... great for a football game. I am wearing it to the visitation tonight.

Then I am going to straighten my hair (curly has got to go).... and put on jeans and a slut top and go drinking with Ben. He called me last night. He is sooo funny. :) He is SOOO Sweet... OMG He is gonan come up here n stay with me the weekend of fall out. If he cant get saturday off... he is just gonan come up sat night when he gets off work. But, if he can get it off, he will come up friday n go to FALLOUT!!! yay!

Buddy --- the dude from Crocs called me... I am not even gonna use the phrase "taking one for the team" here. There are some times when the team just needs to understand the actual amount of sacrifice.

I love when someone is like " come on down to the club n we will get you in...." and I am like "WTF over... I am 21 and I have a VIP pass... why do I need you to get me in??" I mean, come on....

Anyway, I am at work.... its quiet here today. Only like 3 phone calls.... I am here until 5.

-DMV (Fucking eternity) to get license renewed
-WORK 12-5
-RHUU - go check my mail. see if check has arrived.
-WALMART - ALLTEL buy a new cell phone n service plan
-26 to 95 - 2 and a half hour drive to Savannah
POOLER - see Jessie and everyone at Visitation
SAVANNAH - bar hoppin

those are my plans for today. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:06 AM