Retarded USC Girl

The best voicemails I have received lately:
"You know it's time to leave the party when you are licking a man's asshole and he falls asleep". -JK (after well, licking an unconscious man's asshole at the most recent skinny dipping adventure which would have been episode 2 of Tits McFadden, Big Dick McGee and Woody Johnson. This episode had two guest stars - Alotta Poonannie and The Pervert by the Pool).

"Oh Ashlyn, I am so horny, I need you, I need you, I am so horny, and I am covered in oil!" -J.R. This message is fabulous anyway, but I was checkingmy voicemail on the speaker phone at work.. at the nurses station and I was NOT alone. yowza!

So last night was great on HBO. I am a total and complete HBO-whore. My fave show of all time is Sex and the City.... an HBO classic. I am also a huge Entourage-whore. I love that show. It is like a male version of Sex and the City, if I do say so myself. Too damn funny. Watch it. It rocks! And of course... the Sopranos! woo hoo! Tony Soprano is hot in that "I could totally have you whacked" kinda way. In tribute to the show, I made meatballs this evening. :) Man, I am such a dork.

So this weekend was not overly eventful. Saturday I got together with Jodi and Mo and once he left, Mo and I watchged Boogeyman. It was actually pretty damn scary. So as I am leaving her house at like 4am.... I see a shadow move in the living room -- I call her on my cell to make sure she is not dead. She doesnt answer. Finally, I pull off and she calls me back. She thought I was calling her to scare her... too cute.

Friday night.... well, Friday will long live in infamy. I did it again... I went fucking skinny dipping. Ok, let me tell you how all this shit went down....

Episode Two: TGIF

Tits McFadden went to the hospital on her lunch break to drop off some labs and to see a friend. We will call him Pervert by the Pool, Perv for short. We havent seen each other in probably a year or two.... spoken briefly on the phone since then.... but our schedules never seemed to collide. Well he is now working at HRMC and so yours truly stopped by for a lil visit. Well, I go back to work and that night, Woody Johnson informs me that he is back in town and wants me to come have dinner with him at the Mexican place in Estill - El Zarape. So on my way down, I call Perv and see if he wants to meet us. He does. We have a nice dinner.... it was Mariachi night. Interesting. I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a good mariachi band.

We leave the restaurant and grab some beer before heading back to the scene of the crime - Johnson's place. We hang out for a while drinking and talking when McGee and Poonannie show up. We drink some more, go on a beer run that resulted in the death of an Armadillo, and come back to the house to drink like its 1999.

Well, we are drinking and goofing off and decide to go skinny dippin... again. Leaving my better judgement behind... I end up in the pool with MgGee, Johnson, and Poonannie. Perv stays poolside drinking a beer.

Needless to say....we had a nice time. Naked people tend to enjoy themselves. I got home at like 5:30 am.... after nearly killing like 7 deer. It was craziness. :)

So it was a nice weekend. I am thinking this week will be a nice one as well. :)

Hope everyone has a niiiiice week.... and keep your clothes on..., oh who am I kidding.... :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 5:01 PM