Retarded USC Girl

Today is a day of great joy. Melissa.... Mo Girl married Ray. Congratulations. She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Ray loves her so completely and so humbly and she loves him in that same capacity. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that their marriage will last. She was an absolutely radiant bride.

So this was the silver lining to a really shitty week.

Wedding happenings:
-yours truly finally drank the alcohol she deserved.
-bird seed all in the cleavage
-spanked Eric Esquire Moore
-gave James a lap dance
-Oh I now know bandaids work well instead of a bra..... and removal of the aforementioned bandaids is not fun.... at all

Buddha cried because well... that is what Buddha does. She is emotional. I laughed and the more I drank... the more I laughed.

Today, my best friend got married..... and I have absolute sheer joy in my heart. This new life is beginning for her.... and there was a moment... not during the actual ceremony or the reception.... when my heart ached for my mother. When we were taking pictures, I realized that if I ever do get married.... my mom wont be there. I wont have her there to tell me not to freak out or to make me laugh... and I wont have her in pictures.... no more pictures... ever... and it broke my heart.

I am ok. I am fine.... doing really well.... I mean people are amazed at how well I am doing....
but there are moments... seeing Miss. Wanda smile and be so happy for Melissa.... and knowing I will never have that..... seeing a new car that I want and knowing I will never have mama tell me not to drive too fast....

Its funny..... I am like hot and cold.... I am ok.... but then the most innocuous things make me realize the hole in my heart..... its like a hole in a favorite shirt.... you forget it is there ...or if yoiu know it's there... you are comfortable with it... until someone reminds you of it....

I dunno.... maybe i am just a weirdo.

But all this crap about me is arbitrary..... Melissa was a BEAUTIFUL bride. Congrats. I love them both.

posted by Ashlyn @ 8:14 PM