Retarded USC Girl

This weekend can best be summed up in a random torrent of clips, quips, and phrases from the weekend... this is the montage of the weekend (ala "Rules of Attraction")...

Friday: Went to Mo and Ray's played Spades. Jodi and Ray beat our asses. Played Sevens. Mo knocked our dicks in the dirt on like every hand. Drunk, sober, it doesn't matter. The girl is like a damn machine. We drank beer that I bought at BiRite for the cheap ass price of like 12 bux for a 20 pack of bud longnecks. It was craziness. Almost as cheap as a coke. So, we played cards, we drank, and we ate Birthday Cake icecream by Mayfield. It was so bad ass... it was the best orgasm I have had in a while... few months at least. The icecream inspired the fact that fat kids will fuck for food. The phrase "I will give you a blow job for half of that pop tart" was coined. JK and I ventured over to the HoHo at like 5am. Our waitress' name was Popcorn. I shit you not. It was fun. Went home at like 6am.... fell asleep....

Saturday: Slept in. jodi called and we went to dinner at the BBQ place in town. It was good. I ate so much I didnt know whether I needed to shit or puke. I felt like Tracy Gold. We decided that we needed something to occupy our time. Went to see Mo, and no she has not yet given Tiny, her kitten, a bath. As a general rule, I advise against bathing felines, but I digress. Mo wanted to stay in, JK and I wanted to go iceskating. We decided to go drinking instead... so we hauled ass to Savannah. We went to the best bar ever "Savannah Smiles". We sang, we drank, we did Jello shots in 30cc syringes. It was awesome. We strolled to the beach at 3 am. I called a friend back to return voicemail. We drove home... decided not to pickup 6am gas station booty. Came home. Went to bed.

Sunday: Slept until 2. Woke up and went out for a bit of shopping. Spoke to the blessed bootycall and knew I was in for a good night. Came home, got dressed, talked on the cell to like everyone under the sun, watched the Sopranos and then drove to Walterboro. Say hey to like 3 people and then ventured into the bedroom with the fubu for the best 7 to 15 minutes of my life. It was good, I wont deny that, but we really have to do that more often.... I mean damn, you forget how much you miss sex. As JK would say, "He bear fucked me like I was in a grape nuts commercial" Aww yeah. Laid in bed and watched part of The Mummy Returns and Troy... and The Inlaws. Fun Fun Times. Came home, at 2:30 - went to bed... so i could get up at 6 and get my ass to work. Lovely lovely.

Hope your weekend was as kick ass as mine.

posted by Ashlyn @ 4:01 PM