Sunday, April 01, 2007

So.... I came to the conclusion, staring at the computer screen in the dim glow of a fading Xanax and a stale diet coke... that I am in fact, a bad person. I've been skirting around the issue for years, but it hit me... as I trolled through myspace stalking people from my past. Ok, before you laugh - we all do it.. except for those lone losers who say they are too cool to be on mysapce. Ok, dorks - news flash... if you are not on myspace then flash back to high school -and you are the kid eating lunch by the trash cans. Myspace is the cyber in-crowd. Damn, we are one big society full of homos (and not the cool ones with great fashion sense, smoldering looks, and catchy one liners)... in terms of social cyber relationships... we are a bunch of "jump-rope -toting-RichardSimmons-Wannabees" OH the humanity...

Anyway, as I was saying - we use myspace to stalk people. It's sad I admit, but easier than the alternatives. I look up people from the past to see if they are more miserable than I am. But the low point comes when its almost 6 am, you are wearing sweat pants, hair in a bun, and you read the profile of a guy you used to bang: "in a relationship". Why is it easy to be happy for people only when we feel as if we have the upperhand. Was Mother Theresa wandering the streets of calcutta bitching and moaning under her breath each time the emaciated kid got an extra cup of grits.... or am I just a bitch?

God, I swear... if it was New Years Eve, I would make a resolution to change, but since it's not, I think I will live out the rest of the year like somebody lit the fise on my tampon.

I'm really not mean... and very rarely do I get pissed unless we discuss the "step mother", but overall I am happy... it is just a swift kick in the gut when you see someone fabulous has been taken off the market. You know, sadly I even have that reaction as I read my lusty tabloids. Whenever I see George Clooney is dating, I'm like "THAT BITCH!" and then I have one of those WTF moments I am so fond of... and I realize I have never even met anyone named George, much less Sir Clooney.

Oh - and for all of those people opposed to myspace.... please note, whenever I am online searching for old friends, classmates, or coworkers... if you are not on myspace I assume you have met one of few fates: you are either in jail, dead, a technical moron, or you thought Tom was stalking you and cancelled your account.

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1 Comments:

At 8:58 AM, Blogger 1Green Thumb said...

Don't worry about it... you would be surprised how many people go "off the market" only to return a few days/weeks/years later a broken person : )

Great article, made me smile a few times... Myspace is a great way to catch up with old friends, but it certainly has it's drawbacks!

Thanks for the comment : )

 

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