Retarded USC Girl

Willy Wonka ( a mastermind in his own right) sang it best "separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream..". No wait he didnt sing that... the pedophile in the candy store did.... but that is beside the point. You have to focus in on the good stuff. I know that, I mean I really do... and I am typing it now, but I rarely do that. I have this mental wishlist of all the things I want... it goes something like this: easier classes, to have already graduated, a bigger dorm room, to be na RA next year, to be a camp counselor this summer, a never ending pack of cigarettes, better hair, better nails, softer skin, a smaller ass, an overall better image, more money, more time, less attitude, more attitude, a second chance.... the list goes on and on. Its sad. I lay down at night and I know that for me, all is right in my world. I have all the things I need, even a sassy little blog.... that i really want to change to a very Elle Woods kinda pink. I have an awesome life right now. My classes are good, my friends are great, my boyfriend is awesome, I am loving the flatscreen, and even when covered in birdshit, my car is pretty damn cute, but I still want things. Mainly they are things that I will eventually acquire--I hope. I mean, I can apply some effort to reduce the padding aorund my ass or to make more money.... but there are some things I cant change....
things that annoy me.

SO here is my wishlist... the real one...
I wish people would see me for me and not who they think I am or who they wish I could be... but just me
I wish people could give advice without expecting me to use it
I wish people would realize that right now is all that matters.
I wish people could realize that you dont have to understnad my relationships with people -- or my past. If it doesnt register in your brain or click for you, it is ok. It doesnt have to.... it just has to work for me.
I wish people wouldnt get mad at me for being me.... they should hate me for the things that go against who I am.... not the things that reinforce my identity
I wish people would laugh more and accuse less
I wish people would stop attempting to be my parents... I have 2 amazing ones already
I wish people would be as great as we build them up in our minds to be
I wish i could talk to whitman --- and have him answer back in a real time kinda way
I wish celery tasted better
I wish i could always feel rested... not that bitchy dragging ass state of mind I am gonna be in in a few hours.


I have to go to bed. Jimmy is gonna be ready to go to the gym at 7... I wont be alseep until 3 -- lovely. Good night world. Sleep is an amazing thing.... I miss it. Good night. Oh and note to you: I sleep with a 21 yr old teddy bear... physically -- he has seen better days, but I love him... maybe i am one of those codependent people. who knows... I might have to talk to DrPhil. lol. nite yall.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:40 PM