Retarded USC Girl

:) It turned out to be a pretty nice night indeed. I have this scrap book of sorts in my room.... and I keep things in it... notes, ticket stubs, memories.... all kinds of things... it is a way for me to remember the great stuff.... and the dumb stuff./... and all that in between stuff from last year and this year.

And I was flipping through it tonight..... and I realized.... like I was a wee bit startled.... but all things are a part of some great plan... all things happen for a reason. Some people just have too much baggage and need to learn how to grow up...

but the bad thing.... is that some days.... several days actually.... i can sit and feel a nagging of regret in my stomach.... and immediately I cringe and think "damn I was stupid". I have realized that my original notions of like lust and love are true in the end. You should never say "I love you" unless you honestly mean it. Sometimes, the best response is "I know you do".

WIth the new year, I, like many... sit and wonder if this year will hold pitfalls or victories. I am left wondering and dismissing thoughts. I dont know yet what the year holds.... and I kinda like it that way. I like the surprises. I like that feeling. Like walking into a bar and seeing an old friend... that stare, that sudden loss of speech and thought.... wonderful moments. I hope this year is filled with those.

Along with those wonderful moments come other things... many of my own doing. I hope though... that this year, this time around.... I will note the distinct difference in Like and Love and not confuse the two... even when the other party does... or doesnt and desperately wishes he did so he pretends to. I think that in your twenties... you are too young to be in love.... its not fair. It is a season of plenty... an endless decade to wander and roam and to really find yourself before finding someone else.

Maybe I am not a romantic lol. Harlequin never lit my fire.... I just think that the idea of love is often better than the reality of it... or of the mistaken identifications of love. Love is long and lasting. It is pure and solid and unwavering.... and clearly something I have never experienced ....

Kinda odd to say that at 22.... but i think that I just admit it... whereas a lot of other 20-somethings take Like or lust and call them love and cry over them... maybe I am just cynical.... and I see through the eyes of retrospect that what at one time contitutes "suave" now constitutes "douchebag" and you see so clearly what the world was screaming at you.

Love those that you love.... honestly and fully. Recognize the difference between like love and lust.

To you, I like you.
TO Colin Ferrel: Its lust... lots n lots and lots of lust.... rrrrrrraaaaaarrrr
To John Philip Clapp: Love/Lust/love/lust :)

jk

To you, I like you

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:17 PM