Retarded USC Girl

My brother called tonight.... I am gonna be an aunt... again. :) good news. It is kinda weird. I still see my older brother as a boy.... it strikes me as odd when his wife refers to him as a "man". I am like "woah. she must not know him that well..." and then I step back and I realize he is a man.... on some other plane of existence at least lol. I dunno... he used ot be such a freakss weirdo. Like thr crazy psychotic older brother who deflated the hopes of any man who even considered putting his penis in my generla vicinity. He once pulled two guys out of my car... who were just friends of mine, btw. I dunno... now he is a husband, a stepfather, and soon to have his own child.... it's odd.... and as much as I loved his fly by night, where is the party attitude.... this new one suits him so well. I think he is certainly where he is meant to be.

While that is all well and good.... it leaves me wondering "Where am I supposed to be?" and the only answer I can fathom is simply to say, "not here.....". If not here.... then where? I have no idea. I am in the right job at the wrong salary, I went to the right school for the wrong thing, i like the wrong men, and have a hard time detatching myself from seriously good sex, at the most emotionally draining experiences.... i am devoid of emotion, i buy my prescription drugs online from Canada because I am cheap, I drink PBR.... Is this really where I wanna be?
Maybe I would know where I want to go if I actually understood exactly where I was????/

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:49 PM