Retarded USC Girl

...And the wedding is over. Yes, Larry and Cassie are married. Their honeymoon suite had a round bed with gold sheets, pink carpet on the walls, and mirrors on the ceiling. To quote Cassie, "It looks like a place where you would film a porno". The wedding went off without a hitch. They are both so happy to be married and all of us are happy for them. That being said, let me just fill you in on details. The wedding was very "Vegas" to say the least... from the artificial flowers to the minister who did an ad placement half way through the service.

I taught Annalyn a nursery rhyme - one of my faves. Little Boy Blue.... cause he needed the money.

Terry apparently called Crystal and she failed to call him back. Terry the Towel was not pleased by this. lol. ... or so I heard. Then, apparently, Crystal was on a date??? ooh la la... with Todd, even. Double ooh la la!

So - with all this marriage energy floating around, don't worry. I haven't swallowed any of it. I am not now.. nor do I ever, see myself taking that plunge. As both of them were approaching the altar I was thinking, "Run. now. while you still have a chance. before mortgages and joint checking accounts! hurry! go go go!"

Being cynical is not easy in this day and age, believe it or not. There are far more hopeless romantics and desperate people out there than there are those chosen few of us who simply want to have a good time. Where have all the cool people gone? Answer - we are in hiding. We are cowering in a dark corner, very Anne Frank, with these relationship Nazis looming over us. What is up with the love gestapo? Is it not possible to be fully satisfied with your life sans relationship?

The ideal life for me.... Firm boobs and a matching ass, a good job, a good salary, a nice house, a nice car, a dog or cat that I adore... But not in that weird ass "you are my child call me mommy" kinda way, a wardrobe to die for, a shoe collection to kill for, and a healthy, happy environment filled with good friends and family. What the hell is wrong with that? Somehow, we are lead to believe that this is not all there is. A house is not a home without children, and a woman buying her own home without a husband or at the very least a live-in boyfriend she is praying to marry is somehow not valid.

What is wrong with this picture?

Maybe I am not marriage minded because I have most likely never been in love? Maybe I have this take on things because I am driven and I know what I want? Maybe I don't cater to the 1950s mentality of mother regarding the sanctity of sex and marriage? Who knows? Maybe Dr. Phil can sort this one out for me.... Maybe not.

But until that big Oprah lovin Texan psycho analyzes me, I am left with the other cool people, to huddle in the darkness far from the watchful eye of the Relationship Nazis and the Love Gestapo, only to emerge from my bunker for that oh so random booty call.

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:00 PM