Retarded USC Girl

Have you ever just sat back and marvelled at where life has taken you? I was thinking about this today (most likely as a result of the new meds lol). Anyway, when I was a kid - my parents bought my brother and me a car. It was battery operated and so cool. My Dad said that whenever I drove it, I would always run into the garage. Roughly 20 years later, not much has changed. When I was little, I used to play on a device called a Sit N Spin. While I am sure there are numerous devices brandishing that name in your local sex shop - it is also an expression that I am fond of using... or was when I was in HS. When I was a kid... not that I am Miss. Adult now or anything, I used to be a mean little bitch - again, not much has changed.

Ex. I was potty trained (fully) before my older brother. You know how everyone (ok, God I hope everyone or at least a good 20 percent of the population) goes through that whole "come wipe me" phase. You know, you can use the bathroom but you are not about to get your hands near your own shit. My brother called the infamous "come wipe me". I remember he was in my parents' bathroom and they were busy. So, I said, "Oh, I'll wipe him".... and I did. I took the TP and wiped his ass.... and then I spread the shit all up his back. I still laugh thinking about it.

I like to think that I was a fun kid. I used to pick on my best friend, Jessica. I would wrap up random shit from around the house and take it to her as a present. She would unwrap a softball. I would say "this is because today is the 2 year anniversary of that softball game we had in the backyard blah blah blah.... don't you remember?" Jessica's response, "How could I forget?!" And yeah, it never happened. Meanness.

But decades later... ok, more like a decade and a half - I still get my kicks doing shit like that to people. It is funny. Poor Kimmie. We used to write "thanks for the STD" in glass chalk on his windshield. We also convinced him that we all knew a language called Bulgarian Porcina. It was really Pig Latin. When he said he would find a translator, Buddha said, "Oodga Uckla".

I guess that the funny thing about all of this is that even though I am older, wiser, and legally able to do a hell of a lot more cool stuff than when I was 4 or 5, I havent changed too much. Sure, I dont wipe shit up anyone's back and I dont penny roll my jeans or wear the chuck taylor converse all stars, or think gold n silver clothing is so cool..... but I still have that childlike wonder an awful lot of the time.

Questions still impress me. Not boring questions like "what is your address?", but good questions, the kind that most likely have no real answer. The best of these is "why?" Humor impresses me and Lack of humor astounds me. How can someone live in world that isn't funny? I can't understand it. Human emotion surprises me. The ability to be surprised, amazed, embarrassed, loved, appreciated... The ability to hold all the cards and that opportunity to freely throw them away.

So on this Tuesday morning, I am realizing that I am not complacent... I am content, and contentment is a very nice place to be. I have grown up, but I havent fallen far from the tree. I like the idea of that. No matter where you go, or what you do - there inside of you still resides the child with scraped knees, bad jokes, and a nearly failing report card from third grade. And that is comforting because you know, better than anyone, that she is a good kid... and the perfect voice to have in your head in a world filled with after hours and deadlines, instant messages and cell phones, reality and necessary perfection.

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:42 AM