Retarded USC Girl

So last night at a little after 3am, my cell phone rings. Naturally, I answer it - and I am oh so glad I did. It was Bobby. He had just woken up - alone... in an alley near the bar he had been drinking at. No, he wasnt missing a kidney or something... but his friends left him alone... on a loading dock... in a fucking ALLEY at 3am in shortsleeves!

There are certain rules that come into play in friendships... reagrdless of how great of friends you are.... if I have ben friends with you only a few days, I will not leave you in bar unless you agree for me to (i.e. you are getting ass that night). I left Julie in a bar once, the same bar in question, actually... and I made sure before I left that I had arranged a ride home for her.... see, that is what friends do.

A lot of the phrases that I use to describe certain things that are the absolute constants of a friendship... the givens... are military phrases. Leaving a friend in the bar.... in an alley especially... all alone.... that is breaking the cardinal rule of "no man left behind". I mean, I dont think you should have to take a headcount or something.... but you know who your friends are ... and especially when you are drinking, you need to keep tabs.... leave no man behind. You came together... you leave together (unless of course... someone is getting ass... and then you make arrangements).

Another crucial phrase is "Gotta man down". This was used last week when Julie was on the blind date from hell. I called TGIF and told them we had a man down. They bailed her out of the situation. That is what you do... you bail your friends out... you save them.... that is what you are supposed to do.

And I am definitely the type of friend who will come and pick you up when you are alone and cold and in an alley at 3am. :) Poor thing.

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:13 AM