Retarded USC Girl

I want to be happy. All the things I do... all the changes I make, I tell myself that it is all a part of some grand scheme to make me happy... and maybe it makes me happy... but only for a little while... A friend of mine was using one guy to help her forget about the one she really cared for... and I told her that she only forgot about him for that hour she was with the other guy... and Look at me... that is exactly what I am doing.... I am happy for a while... for those brief moments when I am forgetting who and where I am. Is this the best I can do? Is this the best I can be? What am I really doing with my life? The answer is hard to swallow and I fear that at best, it is a sad one. I am spinning my wheels waiting to get the courage to seize my happiness.... and instead of pretending that I dont know what would inevitably make me happy... I'll admit it to myself... say it outloud... I know who holds my happiness... I know exactly where it is... and its not in Tennessee... as much as I want to pretend that it is.

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:28 PM