Retarded USC Girl

I think that we are all glutton for punishment. We like to involve ourselves in drama that we know is just going to end badly. For Julie, it is Geoff. For me, looking back - it is a wealth of realtionships. Why do we do this? Why allow ourselves to be treated in a way that is less than what we deserve? Why stick with assholes and selfish jerks? Is that truly what we are attracted to or is it something else?

For me, I know I am guilty of this, but I see past the flaws and look for the good in people. And there he stands, an amazing person - truly extraodrinary, but those characteristics are locked in behind the asshole facade. And where does that asshole facade arise from? Could it be issues with parents? rebellion? age? who knows.... I have seen it from the 21 year old to the 30 year old and it is always the same. For whatever endearing reason, there is a ass. A bonafide asshole.

Years ago, I thought I had kicked the asshole thing to the curb. And I think that for a while, I did. I have been with some very nice guys .... but things come full circle. Eventually, you will stumble across another asshole and at that point you must evaluate if this is what you really want? someone with absolutely no consideration for you? Someone who can easily forget that you exist? someone who is far too invested in his own agenda?

True, the asshole may possess those qualities. Sure, he may dick you around. But what is it that keeps you going back for more? glutton for punishment? great and I do mean GREAT sex? do you just see past that exterior and recall only the wonderful things about him? Is that it? Who knows... there may never be a real answer to that question....

But I do know this.... I was talking to a former asshole... the first in a line of many... the other day and I told him the truth - sure, we may be attracted to assholes, but that never lasts. It is always the nice guys that win out in the end. ALWAYS. And for the life of me, I hope that is true.

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:22 PM