Retarded USC Girl

Life.... is merely a series of moments. You have to embrace them before they slip you by. I like to say that I dont regret the things I have done, I merely regret the things I havent.... but I doubt that is completely true. I think we all just regret the things we havent done MORE than those that we have. We all second guess, and live in a world of retrospect. We do stupid things and then imagine them away. I always leap before I look. I like to think to that a certain amount of spontaneity is welcome... even necessary to increase the quality of life.... but then I will run that theory into the ground. Sometimes we think too much....

I dont know the answers to anything anymore.... well, sure I have those textbook memorized "enough to do well on the final" kind of answers, but life is constantly evolving for me. I am constantly embracing new scenarios... and I graph them out with purple chalk on white walls when I have the chance, and I shake my head and say "what was i thinking?"..... and now I am semi-content, quasi-content, the diet coke of content with the fact that I will never really have a valid answer to that... and that maybe some questions are better left unanswered... like "who farted?"

Life is a funny thing... and we go through the motions and hope that we dont fuck ours up.... lingering pains of uncertainty in our stomachs as we venture on.... random encounters, and how to say midget in german.... all those little details that make this life worthwhile. Maybe I will never be able to explain any of my actions to a reasonable degree of certainty... being an RA, in a sorority, a moderate alcoholic :), who knows.... these are just details that help define my life... decisions i have made.

I look back at times, today being one of those days, on past indisgressions.... and I have to laugh.... a smile crosses my face as I think "life is good, God help it stay that way, and please help my stupid little errors that I will inevitably make in this life---please let their impact diminish over time". Life is like people: neither good nor bad... it is all just a matter of perception. I hope that perception doesnt change.

posted by Ashlyn @ 12:16 PM