Retarded USC Girl

There are no instruction manuals in life. Some people use the bible as one, but I look elsewhere. I am not saying that I am right or wrong or that anyone else is... we all just live life differently. I wish though that I could see the outcomes of things before I launch into them.... there is no telling how many things I would have done differently... and how many other things I would have done again... only more fervently....

Today I am in the computer lab at the BA... just a typing away on a black Dell. I think of chris when I see it. ;) My throat is sore as I am finally getting over a damn cold. The worst part of it all was the damn headache.

Sometimes, we do things.... stupid things, and we sit back and we look around and we evaluate.... and we pick up that purple chalk and reach for that white wall.... but all we see are smudges.... ambiguity. Some things cant be rationalized.... worked out, or even comprehended the 10th time through. Not having the right answers is aggravating... its annoying and leaves the problem solver feeling a bit useless. So, u do things and you worry and mill over the consequences after the fact... and you find your God and you pray... or you cuss and scream or find a little hope buried in the bottom of some bag.... and then you smile....

You smile in a way that only you can translate... you smile to yourself and for yourself and for everyone else in this world to see.... and you make more mistakes... and you keep smiling... and then in the end, you are like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.... but you smile because you realize that the reason you have been off-center is because of that missing piece .... and you know what the piece (or more aptly peace) is.

Today, through everything --- I smile.

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:48 AM