Retarded USC Girl

Absolute freedom requires you to stop caring. Unfortunately, that caring switch is lost on the far end of a dark room. So, you bide your time.... and at first... you dont care... not at all... not even a little bit.... and the switch has been flipped... most naturally.... but then you start to care.. you can feel it creeping up over you bit by bit... inch by inch... starting at your toes.... working up to your ankles.... and you are comfortable with that... until it sneaks up to your knees... this wave of caring.... and then to your waist.... still not over your head.... and then when it reaches your neck it strangles you into listening to your soul and dismissing that absolute freedom you crave.

Sometimes at night, I wake up... stumbling around. bleary eyed... this darkened world is different somehow.... strange... and for a moment I am confused. Then, as quickly as I had forgotten, I remembered where I was.... in some stranger from the bar's apartment ... hahaha JK. But I do that.. i wake up and I stumble in the dark of my room.... and the slits in the blinds let in only a smidge of light and the hum of the train. So for a few seconds I am just utterly confused.... and I like that feeling.... until i stub my toe or ...some mornings... my entire damn foot on the futon frame.

these are just some random thoughts.... things have been random lately... I have realized that friendship in itself is not some line or fence.... but a cliff.... and you are either safely standing on that cliff... or you are on one side or the other. The safe side... or you can jump off into unventured territory....

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:50 AM