Retarded USC Girl

Mama died last night. Ok, now that we have that out of the way..... let me tell you about last night. I held my mother's hand as she died. It was so quiet..... so drama free. It was just like a baby falling alseep... a little labored at first and then peace.

This remarkable woman was funny until the end. Dying of cancer and kidney failure, she said, "Your Daddy did this. I want you to investigate". My God I love this woman. I was able to tell her how wonderful she is, how much I love her and what an amazing woman she was. I told her that I loved every minute I spent with her.... except for the ones where she was a real bitch. :) She laughed. And so my brother holding one hand and I held the other..... and our mother drifted to see her mother (who she had been talking to in the room).

Speaking of my brother.... he had gas like you wouldnt believe.... I told his wife that it MUST be love ofr her to stay with him. The boy farts like a damn machine. Well, he farted a silent one... but oh it was violent. Well, Larry was always so quick to claim his that I assumed Mama must have shit on herself.... she was half sedated on the bed. So I said, "Oh God, Mama shit herself", and Mama's eyes jump open and she says , "Huh????". Then Larry claimed it.

In the end.... I mean at the very end, my mother was still hillarious. She loved her family and we loved her.... and she loved life. My God, how I love this woman.

Yes, I am still broken.... so sad it is hard to describe.... but my friends and family have been amazing. The calls, the messages, the flowers, the visits, the absolute love is so wonderful. It brings me a feeling of peace far greater than one I could have achieved without yall.

So, mama died... and the hours keep on rolling by.... fairly quickly actually..... and I keep doing the things I normally do.... minus, of course, the things I do with my mother. Life goes on.... and despite the tragedy of the situation, please understand..... I have no qualms with God. There is no anger cast His way, there is not even a question of why. He answered our prayers when we prayed that he take her suffering and pain. She died without knowing the real horror of cancer and I will always be so very grateful for that.

Life goes on...... Melissa gets married on Saturday and it will be so nice to stand there and wear that pink dress and do something so full of joy as opposed ot something so full of sorrow.

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:49 AM