Retarded USC Girl

Well... Let me update:

I FINALLY bedded down Bobby. Woo Hoo. I took a trip to the stables and I had a VERY nice time indeed. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. I am shaking my head just thinking about it. There is nothing quite as exhilarating as knowing you finally go that piece of ass you have been longing to tap. This is the voicemail I sent him:

Hey Bobby. I am feeling real honest. I am looking for two things: pot and ass. I figured you could help me knock out two birds with one stone. I just want to bang you like a salvation army drum. If any of this appeals to you - give me a call.

That is the fastest I have ever had a voicemail returned. :)

Friday night definitely rocked.

SAw Aunt Berta this weekend. She told me about the last time she (who is almost 70) smoked pot... said she felt her soul leave her body... that was the last time she smoked. She also has a beach house for an entire month this summer... oh it is gonna be a fun summer.

So how was the sex - I know I glazed over it.... but a lady never tells *looks left and right trying to spot a lady -- ok the coast is clear* It was great - best sex I have had in a while. It left me with a few questions though - why are some men so blessed and some well... to steal the phrase.. hung like hamsters? It seems so unfair. And to quote myself... one small penis is one too many if you ask me. But rest assured - when i see a man whip out the Magnum XLs... I know I am in for a good time... and I certainly was.... I was bolegged like Brooks from Shawshank Redemption on Saturday... but it was worth it.... :)

Another question: Am I ever gonna sleep with him again? Hmmm good question. To answer honestly... I dont know... I would like to.... but booty calls never work out because I am so fucking fabulous - you cant help but love me... jk . Maybe I will sleep with him again - that would be very nice indeed. What about the other one.... the one I was biding my time with waiting for Bobby to pony up some dick - ah, well definitely not.... that one wasnt worth it to begin with.

New way to meet men - I am big fan of fake conversations. At dinner... we faked an hour long conversation where I run an escort service.... hey - the table next to us (the mob) noticed. lol. good times. good times. When they asked me what I did for a living, Julie said "please dont tell them. Please. " So I said "Consumer relations". THey instantly knew I ran an "escort service" = fabo.

I am feeling good.... the world is at my fingertips right now... and I am trying to just live my life as I see fit - which means having as much fun as humanly possible. I wish you all the same.

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:09 PM