Retarded USC Girl

So it was a day today.... a pretty good day actually.... in spite of all things to the contrary. Oh, where should I begin? Perhaps with me misreading the laxative bottle? No, maybe with the pitbull that contemplated attacking me at lunch? No, no, let me start with the crabs...

So last night I ate crabs for dinner. They were delicious. Brian had given them to Jill.. she brought me a ton of them. Very delicious. I am on my way home last night and I stop to get pliers so I can crack them open. So I get home and steam them and stand at the counter and take them out of the pot with tongs... plop them on the counter and crack them open with my pliers. I eat until I hurt. I LOVE crabs. It's like a 45 minute process. Well, I am so stuffed that I clean up the kitchen and go straight to bed.

As I am lying in bed, I realize that I havent backed the brown caddy out of the garage in a few days. Dr. Welcker recommended Colace every day while on the uppers. So, I bought a bottle of Colace a few weeks ago. Last night I read the dose 2-4 for an adult. Since I have a pretty high tolerance to laxatives... let alone this mild ass stool softener (which doesnt make you go - but makes it easier when you go) I decided to take 4.

I wake up at 2 o clock on the verge of tears. My stomach is in so much pain. I just know the crabs were bad. I am on and off the pot like a hooker on various penises throughout the night. Finally around 3:30, I grab the bottle of Colace and really read it... REALLY read it. Yeh, I bought Peri-Colace.... it is a stool softener with a STIMULANT LAXATIVE. It was awful man....

So I am feeling better this AM. I go for a walk at lunch. This fucking pit bull keeps charging me and hitting my leg with his snout then running off. I was like "WTF am I gonna do??" He left me alone and went on to harrass another walker.

But it's Thursday... and it's my Friday. Happy Easter!

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:48 PM