Retarded USC Girl

We live in such a crazy mixed up world. Our gender roles are usually so well defined. We have seperate products for the sexes. We use the same products they just have different names or colors: deodorant, body wash, razors, socks (i meancome on, a white sock is a white sock). We have energy bars that are designed for men even. It's ridiculous. Then there are the crossover products like Aveeno lotions and facial cleansers by Clearasil. We use the same types of toothpaste and we buy unisex tshirts.

Then I grab a box of Pamprin (they were out of Midol) and I read the warning label "do not take if you have trouble urinating due to an enlarged prostate". How many chicks with cramps have a prostate? This is like drag queen advil. Then I call Jodi and tell him about the label. He informs me that he takes Midol for headaches because it works so fast. I guess this is the new crossover product. Either that or Jodi is ahead of his time.

Speaking of ahead of his time.... does anyone remember Hypercolor t-shirts?

So, I am taking the Pamprin which means I am in a generally foul mood. Retaining water, wanting chocolate, nauseated, and bloated. Oh yes... this is sexy. Men have it so easy. I want to have elective surgery to remove my uterus. Come on - let's take it away! Hysterectomy please! Not a complete... leave the ovaries... I dont want to have to wake up and shave a beard in the morning. But hey.... the good side of having a period - it means I am not preggers and ya just cant argue with that!

So we went out Friday night. I had the day off work... I lounged and watched movies and then went out to Bomb's Away which is this total hole in the wall bar. We had a really nice time and the band was really good. I drank really really delicious and cold Yuengling. I drank too much of it... but it was SO worth it.

There was this dude in the bar that apparently can pull mad ass. I have no idea why. I would have to drink a case of Yuengling.. no, no make it PBR and then still have to take an entire pallet of horse tranquilizers to want to bang that dude. I mean - damn. There must be some seriously desperate women in Hampton County.

Sadly... I am such a nerd. This became obvious as we are sittin in the bar and I am profiling patients for an upcoming study. :) Jill pointed out this one dude in the bar and I was like "OMG I would never sleep with anyone who would qualify for Crescendo". She was like "Holy Shit. I think you might be right. Pull his chart on Monday". We are "company girls" :)

Easter came and went without the usual pastels and fan fare. I ate a Milky Way. It was insanely delicious. I got on the scale this morning only to discover I gained two pounds. Apparently, the nougat in the Milky Way was really Quickrete. I am banking the two pounds on the Hoover Dam I am retaining. Niiice.

Anyway, it was a nice long weekend. I had a really nice time just lounging, relaxing, drinking too much, eating too much, (ah 'twas such a Roman Holiday).

I have this internal chorus now... no longer an internal monologue.... and it's all Beatles songs... thanks to "Across the Universe".

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:48 AM