Retarded USC Girl

I am on the phone with Randy - the new owner of a Toyota Tacoma. While the car has very few miles on it... I am sure the backseat will have many miles on it before weeks end. Hitchhikers beware! How much do we LOVE Randy! He is the best.

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:03 PM 0 comments

Why do we , as a culture, place so much emphasis on sex? A guy I know came in from a date last night and went over all the details of it just to see what clues insinuated potential sex in the future? The fact that she ordered a fried chicken salad and barely ate it? The fact that she offered her shoulders up for a massage? The fact that the good night kiss was questionable? Since sex is a physical thing in the end, do we merely look at the physical clues to see if sex is on the timeline?

I think that the sexiest things you can do are very rarely physical. Now please, dont think I am about to do that classic girl thing and say that sex is all about the candles and roses and tears in your eyes. I just think that a laugh is sexy. Humor is hot. So often, we look at these guys who are built like brick shithouses or come from money. Why do we so often over look the guy with that amazing sense of humor and winning smile.

I once dated a really attractive guy, by all accounts. After a while, though, his physical beauty faded. The reverse is also true.... I know a guy with an amazing personality - and by all accounts, he is the cutest guy I have ever seen.

The physicality of sex is often lost in the physicality of human nature.... and the superficiality of that. So, here I am rambling.... but back to my point... and i do have one...

He could have paid attention to her lip gloss or perfume. If the scent was spicy or vanilla - she was looking to get laid from the start. Yours truly wears Bath n Body Works Black Raspberry Vanilla. If she kept applying her gloss... she was waiting for that kiss.... and we all know that a kiss has so much potential... it can actually be sexier than sex. Did she laugh - even when you weren't funny? Did she do the hair flip? Did she whisper in your ear? Did she sit closer to you than she had to? Did she hold your gaze a little longer than she should have? What tone was in her voice?

That is the stuff to pay attention to... sure, the massage was a good sign.... but reading between those overt signals is your best bet.

So, to the man who we have all heard horror stories about your penis, are you gonna get laid any time in the near future? Well, that one is really up in the air. But go on that second date and look for these signs:

1. Does she lick her lips and say, "Boy, you gotta pretty mouth"?
2. Does she make irrelevant gestures to her crotch?
3. Does she grab your ass in passing?
4. Does she mouth the words "Your place or mine?"
5. Does she smile when a pair of handcuffs fall from her purse?


Always remember with sex.... it is the quality that counts... not the quantity... Oh who am I kidding.... good sex once a year or shitty sex twice a night? hmmm... how about great. phenomenal sex twice a night..... hmmmm. I like the sound of that.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:16 AM 0 comments