Retarded USC Girl

so.. let me tell you why I am the dumbest girl in the world. I have ugly feet. In fact, I hate my feet. Well, for years.. I have been wishing that someone would invent fake toe nails... because well, I barely have a pinkie toe on either foot... low and behold... the day of glory. Thursday night I purchased glue on toe nails. What an ingenious idea! Pretty feet here I come. And I admit they are gorgeous.... however; apparently i have really short nail beds.... so these newfound nails hang off my feet. I look like a beaver.

You have to hold the nails by these little breakaway tabs attached to the top of each nail - so glue ont get on your fingers - when you break the tab off once the nail is glued down (and I used tons of glue... these babies arent budging), it leaves a little jaged edge... that you have to file off. So, once all ten dazzling LONG ass talons are attached... I trot across my CARPET to my bedroom to grab my nail file. Of course, I snag my toe on the carpet. It hurt. I really hurt. I really hurt pretty fucking bad. So. I decided to, late that evening, put on a pair of shoes and step outside. Well, the nails are so long... that my shoes wont fit... not comfortably anyway... so I filed them down more and more and now they are at a reasonable length. Why not just take them off, you ask? good question... and the answer is simple: I have tried. I have soaked my feet... I have even tried prying these bad boys off... unfortunately... I used the fucking motherload of glue. I may have these nails on until i die.

IN other news... Last night we ended up at a bar in Knoxville that is apparently a swingers club. nice. we didnt realize that until we were already in there.

Ive been busy.. but having fun... hope all is well in your world as you read this.

Happy Thanksgiving, I will go ahead and say it incase I forget to update before the holiday. I am not going home for thanksgiving. This will be the first one without my mom and I dont think I can take that. I really dont. It will be so different... too different.... everything is different in that house without her.... its a;ll the same, but the fact that she isnt there hangs in the air... and breaks my heart. So, I am opting to start a new tradition... having Thanksgiving with some local friends... drinking some alcohol.... and being thankful for the good things that life has offered and the ability we have been given to graciously accept the bad and move on. Happy Holiday.

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:02 PM 0 comments