Friday, November 07, 2003

ERIC AND THE PARKING TICKET

Randy being the utter sweet heart that he is went on the quest to the first floor for orange paper. When he came back with a nice selection, we chose the perfect "Columbia City Parking Ticket" shade of an almost blazen orange with subtle sienna undertones. I cut a nice little rectangle of the paper and went and trotted down to his car to put the ticket on it. Needless to say, when Eric looked out of the fourth floor window at his car below... he was pissed... "that fucker!" he was so mad. he even went so far as to speak of the meter reader saying, "He is targeting me!" God it was frikkin hillarious. So when he finally goes out to his car, I am glued to the window and he snatches up his ticket, flips it over and reads "ha ha ha" and then turns around, looks up at me, and flips me off repeatedly. It was great. I was laughing so hard Miss Annette came over. funny funny stuff.



:) Erics last words to me "have a good weekend, bitch" :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:49 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

And the last... absolute last post for today.... I have realized that the absolute worst feeling in the world is standing so close to something that you want.... and not being able to have it.... it is a good feeling at the time... wanting something you cant have.... until it passes and you never had it really.... and you are left standing there wondering.... rolling in a world of "what ifs" and "maybes" and it eats away at the fiber of your being.... in effect, you form scars and you are tougher and stronger for that and you have some experience as to the nature of the world and you say "I'll know better next time" and maybe next time you will.... but that last time that you let slip you by because you were too pigheaded or pissy or arrogant or vulnerable or weak or any of a million other adjectives.... that is the time that you will always wonder about ....

So I do that a lot as of late.... with the stress of everything else, I roll through a world of "if onlys" and "maybes" and seated somewhere just beneath the surface and slightly out of view is my own supreme happiness.

It is like the iceberg affect. I am standing there living in that bit of ice that breaks the water's surface... the part you can see.... only knowing full well that the larger portion of the berg is below the surface.... centered right along with those maybes and what ifs and missed opportunities.

It is my profound hope that second chancs are possible... as I believe they are, if you put forth enough effort. It is hope that I act and react better and more genuinely this time around.

These relationship things... I am not good at them, but I talked to Melissa last night and she is my voice of reason. She told me that the timing hadnt been right the first go around.... and that a relationship I was in subsequently was supposed to happen first. It was an education of sorts. And now, here I stand back at square one.... vulnerable.... but putting the ball into his court.

And this time.... I am not looking to play any games....

posted by Ashlyn @ 12:28 PM 0 comments

Ok.. I have a few spare moments. I am thinking.... and in thinkning I realize that more now than ever I need to take chances in my life.... before I am too old and the chances become fewer and less meaningful. These are the days and weeks and months and years to shape and determine the course of my life and my happiness.

posted by Ashlyn @ 9:52 AM 0 comments

I am in a computer lab now for my marketing research class. It is honestly a good class... one that I like... our Professor is super nice. I am a little sleepy.... and totally feeling lazy today. I need to wake the fuck up and get motivated to be on the ball and do well for the rest of the semester.... hopefully I will.

Odds dreams as of late....

posted by Ashlyn @ 9:38 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

:) I am misbehaving as always.... but in good ways.. well, fun ways at least. Mo and i are gonna go out for some drinks tonight. that should be much fun. we need to catch up and well... get wasted as per usual.

Insight: All raisins are NOT created equal.

As of late.... I have reverted back to old habits in more ways than one. Not that it is necessarily a bad thing... I mean I had fun in the past ;)

OK.... on to the bigger topics.... Sometimes there are things... or more aptly, people... who we cant shake loose from our souls. I dont know how to explain it really.... except to break it down in actual terms. I hadnt thought about him in a while.... hadnt even begun to reminisce over how much fun he was or how smart or clever or witty or HOT.... or everything I want but do not need.... and then I go to clean out my email account and I am like... damn, he really was (and I imagine is) precious.

I am such a loser. You know, I need to assert myself more. I realize this. I really do. Its like I want things and I will never ever ever say that I do. Ugh drama drama drama.

In reality I have all the things that I need right now.... and I can live with that and work with that.... and be happy.... and I will.... soon.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:29 AM 0 comments