Life has been pretty good lately. I am working hard... waiting for school to start and spending my days at the health care center - where some choice patients have come in... here is a little run down of things that have amused me lately:
-nasty vaginas - we see, on average like 3 a week. that's just the nasty ones
-rectal abscess "I cant sit down"
-patients who shit themselves
-patients who are nuts and self medicate
Talked to Randy the other day - he is still fabulous and HILLARIOUS.
Jodi is my muchacho. I swear that kid is awesome. He is playing with Vinnie, Charlie and Sam. If you dont know these fellows... let me just equate them to a more upscale version of the other three wisemen Jim, Jack, and Jose'. ... medicinal values only.
One of my coworkers is still a bitch - and I am starting to realize that she may not realize she is being extraodrinarily bitchy. Every office has one just like her.... bad attitude, rough and rude. Did I mention lazy? Yet she constantly talks about how busy she is? lmfao niiiice
I ate spaghetti for lunch today. It was tasty... that was hours ago and I am still tasting it.
My stomach was TORE UP today. I mean, sweet Jesus - I just knew I was gonna shit on myself - or a patient. Anyway, I was doubly nervous because I was wearing white pants. That would have been a mental image NO ONE would have forgotten. My mom told me about a lifeguard at Travis Field pool back in the 60s. He had on a white speedo - went and took a shit and came back, strutting his bod around the pool.... and there it was, a big shit streak bringing up the rear. See, If someone saw me in a hit pink scrub top with lil white elephants on it and white pants with a nice brown swipe up the back - holy shit, I would die. I cant recover from stuff like that. However, Stacy shit on herself in Winn Dixie once - when she was taking Xenical - and she recovered. I wouldnt be able to face the Big WD again.
Life is seeming pretty normal now... settling down... BUT I won a vacation. A cruise and 4 nights at a hotel in the Bahamas. That will be sweet. I have to decide who to take with me lol.. Oh I wonder who it will be????? lol ;) Julie has been talking non stop for the last few months about how we need to go on a cruise.... looks like this will be the perfect opportunity. :)
Buster is still amazing... he is my baby. He rocks. Nothing is more precious than an obese cat.
Oh shit I almost forgot! SO, Friday, I had a PFt done at work - a pulmonary function test. It tells you your lung function... and gives you a "lung age". I smoke cigs and pot, have asthma -- oh and let us not forget that I do have a cold.... anyway, I have the lung function of ... drum roll please "an 86 year old!" Holy shit. I mean... to have the lung function of an 86 year old I may as well have had a penis in my mouth when I blew into the device... no air in these lungs. Jeez. So I decided that I wouldnt smoke until I had a comparison PFT done... this coming Friday. SO that will give me a week of the cigs to see the difference.
But here is the deal - I fucking love my smokes... me and Phillip Morris have been involved in an intimate relationship for years... sure, I may have cheated a few times with RJReynolds... but that is beside the point... me and Philip understand each other. :)
No boy drama to report as my vagina could apparently belong to Mother Teresa... I have been so well behaved. I fear that, except for urination and defecation, I have lost all function in the nether regions. Oh well.... that is why they invented X, right? :)
Anyway, I hope this update will suffice for a bit.. and I promise... if not daily - at least an update twice a week.
Have a good night yall!
Labels: lungs of an 86 year old
