Retarded USC Girl: 10/05/2003

Wonderful lunch today with the fam. Saw my rbo kick some ass n break some boards n that was awesome. Many props to him.

As far as old habits go.... I welcome them... and I realize that... adn I hate myself for that. Sometimes.... sometimes pain is a good thing.

I'm happy .... but I'm slipping.... old habits die hard.... but the problem is that I enjoy them.....

*Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone
Making out.* Damn Mono :(

Talking to Buddha makes me so happy. i miss her so much. It is not like I sit around all day and cry about it, but there are moments when I am sitting in the same living room we shared last year or sleeping in her bedroom and I think to myself, "damn. I miss BUddha". The other night, I had to call her because I was sitting outside on the bench smoking a cigarette and drinking yet another cup of coffee, and I knew she would have loved being there, experiencing that exact moment with me. I see a commercial... and I call her. I am reminded of her in sooo many wonderful ways and it kills me because I miss her so much. Every time I slip out the side door to smoke, I miss her. We are still in extreme contact though.... it is not like all is lost. :) Everytime I do something really stupid... she knows. She was the first to be enlightened when I had the most random hookup with a dj ever. Buddha knows all my secrets..... and I like it that way. I miss her so much that I am looking for jobs so i can be closer to her. Am I a Shmuck? no... not really.... I just realized that you have to take chances, you have to live for living, and you have to learn that the things you love must come first.... regardless fo what they may be. :)

So blessed adn happy that at this very moment I have wonderful friends that love me and whom I love very very much.

How bout them COCKS!!!! So So glad that I didnt have to beat Seth's ass when he walked in here.... I was gonna lay the smack down if they lost.... like this is assuming I could have taken him anyway.... and even if I had like a gun, a tazer, and a cast iron pan... my lack of coordination would have trumped that and I would have ended up looking stupid and not killin him in the process.... besides, if he were dead, i would affect our chances of beating CLemson... and nothing is standing in the way of that. :) Great night. If you are a SOuthern girl... football is a religion.

"Even if we are playing the school for the deaf and the blind.... you'd better be supporting CAROLINA"

We are getting ready to beat some Kentucky ass.... i can feel it... it is like the scent of asskickin is in the breeze.... and I think it's Kentucky ass (smells like fried chicken)

Today has been a good day. I took 3 econ quizzes this morning and then skipped econ so i could get to my group presentation on time. Skipping class = my new theme. Today is my last day of classes before Fall Break... yay... no more classes until wednesday.

I am going to relax and BEHAVE this weekend.... a lot of movies, a lot of pajamas...

TDDJ has got to be burned.... dangerous dangerous game....

OH god.... frat function last night.... learned how to do a train.... and honest to god it is no where near as bad as it sounds. A Phi A had a step show and we went.... it was hillarious. Honestly, I am way too white and no where near coordinated to step... funny stuff.

Love yall! Go COCKS! (saw 2 shirts I need.... 1. Chicks love cocks and 2. Cock Fever) I have to add these to my wardrobe.

I am not gonna be able to make it to the game tonight.... I know, I know, sob sob.... but I will still be cheering for Carolina... while watching the game from my room... in my pajamas while gorging on chicken salad.... nice plan lol.

... as an afterthought....

Ok.... outside looking in.... this life in a fishbowl.... I dunno.... I wish i could be a casual observer more than an active participant.... Like if every now and then, I could just tap myself on the shoulder and say "you stupid stupid girl" ahh.... boys are such trouble... I guess the best part is that I know I am being stupid from the start and wont be shocked or surprised by that fact down the road.... :)

Today is a good day. :) It is cool and almost rainy but not really.It will feel nice walking to class tonight. I am craving a really good cup of coffee though... so that means a trip to the store tonight for more splenda.... or maybe a little venture to Starbucks in 5 points.... I like the little shops though.... Immaculate consumption and cool beans,... they have an awful lot of character.... I dunno... the bad part is that I buy into that whole starbucks image.... and they have indisputably REALLY good coffee. A lot of places have good coffee though....

So I have class tonight.... and I will sit there and pay some sort of attention... my mind has been wandering all over the place today.... I dont know why really... maybe the weather.... I would rather be outside than in... in a lot of situations I feel like that lately... the looking glass is a marvelous thing.

I was online the other night, reading these old posts to this blog... WOW its too funny to see the "old" me.... I am like reading and then I get that nostalgic look in my eyes... "but that seems like yesterday..." and it was almost a year ago.... time really does fly.

I am all over friendster like white on rice.... fun fun lil deal.

I need a new thought..... something original to think about,... no more lame bullshit to roll over and over. I need the answers to life and a million little questions... and I need not just the answers, but a million new questions.... Any thoughts? Enlighten me... call my cell and give me something fun to think about: 803 -606 -4299.... I really do love random people calling me... it's fun.

... as off to class I go...

And today.... Today is a good day :) :) :) Sometimes you just walk around and you cant help but smile. Yesterday, when i left work.... I got caught in a damn monsoon on my way to my car.... so I went to class soaked.... and freezing. i came home and put on a pot of coffee and took a nice hot shower and put on pajamas.... and then we all talked and such and then I studied for econ.

Econ was great today! :)

I have to do my marketing case study today. It is due tomorrow at 12:30. I will have it finished before I get off work.

2-5 work
5:30-6:45 - class
6:45-7:15 - Bulletin Boards
7:15-8 - Meet with group members from RA class
8-9- Do bulletin boards
9-10:30- RA meeting

:) Lovely Lovely --- lots of stuff to do tonight. Hope it all gets done in time... BBs are due by 9.

Tonight... I might actually read for tomorrow's classes... that is looking like the way to go. And notes... I will actually print the class notes tonight. YAY!! way to be motivated!

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us
Author: Helen Keller

Ok.... is it just me.... or does anyone else see the irony there.... and cant you just picture this one :) me = going to hell

We set ourselves up to do or want or be bad things.... and it's a vicious vicious cycle because in all honesty... the bad things translate into fun things.... and fun is all we need. So, I go through the motions of dilligence, and I fake it the whole fucking way... under that textbook is a good book, and in that glass of koolaid is some everclear and a room full of friends surround me.... and so you pole dance with a palm tree, and you slowly watch all the good in you become better and society exclaim that it's bad.

I love that little twist in it all. Even in moments of extreme innocence... all the fun things are labeled bad... and that blows... but bring on the bad --- it is a GOOD place to be.

So.,... I had a point here. We aim for bad realtionships that promise fun and very little more than that.... and we engage in activities that pretty much promise the same... and we relish those and fight for them.... and it's a funny proposition because in the end.... all you had was a little fun and more hurt than you cared for....potentially... and if not for you than for the others involved. And it could be a nice equation... a really nice equation, if all parties involved could just understand that fun is fun is fun and no strings are attached. Why strive for long term when you can just enjoy the right now of the situation? The answers to that question will never cease to amaze me.

As dazed and confused as I am.... confused in the sense that I know exactly what I want, but have little to no idea of how to go about getting it, I am signing off for the day --- retreating to a world of textbooks and prepackaged greetings... a very comfy place to be.

Last night went to bed after 3:30 and TDDJ. Today: Awake at 7:40. I have to drop time cards off at the Area Office. Lucky me. :) They dont open until 8... yet I hauled ass out here to apparently beat a nonexistant rush. I am yawning... and when doing so, tears stream from my eyes... I hate that. I always cry when sleepy.... like random tears roll down my face. Skipper informed me that the other night when i was sick, I snore like I'm retarded.

SEXUAL MEAT UPDATE: as the kid deserves his own lil section here. I am gonna get his ass in class today.... and in being quite honest.... I am going to go up to the kid in class this morning... about 3 hours from now and say "Hey Kevin.... thanks for last night. I dont know what I would do without a little Sexual Meat." Am I lying there? not at all. Without sexual meat in our lives... all the peeps in the dungeon would be heartbroken!

I had better go ahead and run on over to the area office and see if they are ready for some time cards. Aww yeah! Then back home for coffee and hair and makeup and showers and breakfast and all of that good stuff.... long day ahead of me!

:)Much love to all of my favorite people that envelope me in this wonderful fun world and make even the latest of nights seem far too early. Yall rock my world!

Retarded USC Girl

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Friday, October 10, 2003

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Monday, October 06, 2003

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