Saturday, February 11, 2006

The snow is falling... has been all night - and it is beautiful. The ground and cars are covered. The roads are still clear... shiny, but not covered in snow at all. As I look out this window, the snow just barrels down... tons of it... soft and pillowy as you please - but constant. It really is beautiful. I am trying to decide where to move to next - somewhere with great weather I think like texas or Florida and then I look out that window and I see the snow and I decide that I like it here. I want to stay here. SO who knows where I will end up? I certainly dont.

No new dick to report, unfortunately. I mean, I am not gonna fuck someone else until I know for certain that I am no longer going to be fucking the boy built for the stables... but still I could use a shot of ass..... and whiskey.

Chocolate cake is goof in theory, but in reality - it can taste like shit.

I am hot. Whew Wee -raostin so I am gonna go out in the snow... in flipflops and pajama pants and a t shirt.... yee haw! Welcome to Tennessee, Yall.

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:07 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I need some ass. This is not news.

There is no joy quite like the joy of seeing a negative pregnancy test.

Where has all the good ass gone?

I really need some weed - that would make for a very nice weekend.

I will see what I can do on that end.

I am sleepy and I need to wake the fuck up.

Julie talked me into beginning a book... and so I did.... it is like 12 pages in.... it is a book on more relationship (or lack thereof) propaganda. It should be fun.

Anyway - some drama today - I am not a good driver.... well.. I drove off the fucking road and into a goddam irrigation ditch.... like the fuckig back driver side tire was in the air... it was so embarrassing.... I am serious. I called Julie and I was like "chica. please fucking help me". Wel I found a little board in the ditch and rammed it under the wheel and I drove on out of there. Oh yeah! i am gifted - it was great lol.

Anyway - I am off to keep on keeping on writing for a while.... and listening to the retard behind me masterbating. LMFAO Bitches and Hoes and Losers. "Oh fuck me please oh yeah oh faster... hahaha yeah honey i am not buying it. whatever. "

posted by Ashlyn @ 5:19 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Here is the question I am pondering this evening/morning, etc: WHY the fuck is ass so elusive? No, no, I take that back - why is the RIGHT ass so elusive.... It is so unfucking fair - you see ass that you want.... like a bass running for a shining lure only to discover that there is a fucking hook on the end. Always strings attached. The sad thing.... the really sad thing is that unlike pavlov's dog - I have trouble grasping the concept of a learned behavior - I have ultimate faith that people, deep down, are not the fucking loser douchebags that they seem to be most of the time. I always think "oh it wont happen again", but sadly I see yet another shiny lure and BOOM my dumb ass runs for it... only to taste the sharp sting of that hook. What does a girl have to do to get laid around here?

Now... ass is available... I admit that.... but it is all about getting the RIGHT ass. SO what defines the RIGHT ass? Quite simply here is what I am looking for: someone who is hot with a good strong libido... someone who likes to get naked and bump uglies just as much as I do. I want someone who is funny and fun to be around ( let me stress the fact that I am not looking for a boyfriend... I am just looking for a fuck buddy but I cant stand to be around someone who is a real stick in the mud). I want someone who is not a prude but not a weirdo - I am not ramming butter up anyone's ass. I want someone who is well equipped and not in need of finger cots instead of condoms. I am looking for someone who can measure up if you know what I mean... and who definitely isnt a novice. Most importantly... no strings attached.

Invisible strings have the odd ability to become visible at the most inopportune times. The sad thing - I have found the right ass... only I cant get him with any frequency... which, believe me, sucks... and fucks up the overall dynamics of the fuck buddy relationship. I should come out with a fuckbuddy handbook.... it would save the world a lot of grief.

Good night, Moon. Hope yall are getting more ass than I am.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:56 PM 0 comments

Monday, February 06, 2006

So - I am a little scared that I am gonna get arrested today. Let me explain why:

There is this guy... in Maryville who works for Liberty Tax Service. His job is to dress up in this statue of liberty costume and dance on the side of the road. Well.. we have driven past him on numerous occassions and always thought it would be really funny to dress up in a big green box that said H & R Block and to have a dance off (a la You Got Served). So... today is the day. We are gonna find the box.... paint it after 2pm and then Mr. Liberty Tax Guy - it's on! You are so going down! I am gonna dress up as an H&R block box.... and I am gonna let the dance/fight with the Liberty Tax guy. It will be great! Just hope a cop doesnt ride by (cause this is in the middle of traffic) and think I am a retard and arrest me. He can think I am a retard... cause, well... I am.... but arresting me is a bit much.

In other news... I watched jos all weekend. She peed on me twice... I am so not a fan of golden showers... I know that now. I taught the 4 year old some choice phrases to include:
"You douchebag"
"What are you, some kind of retard?"
"Don't make me put my foot up your ass"
"WHen the fuck did we get icecream"
"I need a shot of whiskey and a piece of ass"

It was fun - to say the least.

Oh.... and I have decided that if I cant get my professional life in order... I am gonna become a nun.. or at least go barhoppin dressed as one.

Oh... and this was the first superbowl sunday in the past three years in which I didnt get laid. I wont lie... the opportunity presented itself... but I opted out...

I am not a saint but I am not a whore either.... For the past two years I was sleeping with only one person.... so dont think I like troll the streets after the big game just looking for someone to pony up some dick.... but I am a big fan of getting laid... and oh how I miss it!

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:25 AM 0 comments