Retarded USC Girl

so mom's memorial service is tomorrow.... kinda brings a finality to it all. When my couisn Kelly died, it didnt actually register until I was at her funeral. Funeral = hey.you really are dead. So I am wondering how tomorrow will go. I am not gonna get all drama queen on you - I am doing ok. Better than Ok. I am doing well. We all are. It is odd though.... here I am ... presented with this thing that I always feared.... and when you are faced with it.... all it really boils down to is the fact that there are some things that you actually cant talk yourself out of.... and there are some things that you just have to bear and then you realize that you can handle it.... you may not want to... but you can.... and undoubtedly - you will.

The weird thing is that I am shocked this has happened to me.... granted, losing your parents will happen to everyone.... although, Strom Thurmond's kids were in it for the long haul. :) Gotta love that man... longest filibuster in senate history.... but I digress. :) it's an odd feeling that I am having and I wish that I could explain it... but life goes on and things change and in the end you either accept the changing or you turn out to be fukcing crazy like my Aunt Linda.

Speaking of her: She has not see my mother of any other members of her family for at least a decade. The last time my mom even spoke to the crazy bitch was 4 years ago. Needless to say, we failked to inform her that mama died. Let me give you a little recap of the conversation.

*ring ring*
-Hello
_Who is this?
-Um Ashlyn
_It's your Aunt Linda. *drama queen tears* I am so shocked. I mean I cant believe it! What happened? What did your mother have?
-Yeah I know. we were all shocked. Uteran cancer
_*HYSTERICAL WAILING* OH GOD NO! Did she suffer!!!???!!!
-no.
_Oh thank God. When your mother and I nursed mama when she had cancer we made a pact that we would not let the offer suffer if we ever got cancer.
*Please note that this is odd since Mama and Daddy cared for her and Linda showed up, on rare occassion.... and when she did show, she just tried to stir some shit.
-yeah. good thing she didnt suffer._How's your Daddy doing?
-He's doing good.
_Is he drinking?
*The bitch actually asked me that! What a fucking retard*
-Um no.
_Can he drink now?
*what the fuck ...??? did she like think daddy had a drinking problem??
-Um yeah. I mean I guess he could if he wanted to....
_Yeah, I bet he could use one now.
-Um. yeah. sure.
Then she proceeded to ask me why the family wasn't close and I said "um. I dunno".... when in actuality, i did know, but "I dunno" rolled off the tongue a little easier than "cause you are fucking crazy".

I dunno.../. maybe it's just me.... but if she comes tomorrow and she is so high strung and crying... I am gonna be a bitch. If she missed my mother so much, why didn't she make an efort in a DECADE to see her? Shit, if she is a hysterical drama queen, I'll say, "Ok. You miss her so much you couldn't see her once in ten years or talk to her on the phone once in four years? hmmm lose the number??? you sure did find it quick when you read she was dead and had an opportunity to display your grief....I tell you what... you miss her so much.... piss me off some more and you'll meet her." I swear.... some people's children. Now that would be classic.... a death threat at a funeral. lmfao. nite yall.

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:02 PM 0 comments

So I went back to work today .... and it was nice to be there. I work with great people and I really enjoy what I do.... and it felt normal... which was so nice for a change.

So I worked. I came home. We went grocery shopping. I made dinner. I cleaned the kitchen. I took a bath with this spa thing.... that blows bubbles in the tub. Let me just say.... it kicks ass. It is a little weird though... plugging something into the outlet that u will use in the tub.... but hey, I am still here!

Today was a good day. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:43 PM 0 comments