Retarded USC Girl

Ok.. so some reallly random shit tonight.....

I got this abortion bulletin on myspace and Julie and I were chatting about it. I said that it was only murder if it wasnt delicious! SO we had this big debate... about vegetarians and anti-abortion peeps. Here are some of the highlights.

"carnivores... its MURDER (say it in that overdramatic voice) plus digestion.... and then defacation.... have u no respect???"

"its only MURDER if it's not DELICIOUS!"
-"but I dont really like steak" --- MURDER!!!!
Venison MURDER!!!
Frog Legs! MURDER!
ESCARGOT MURDER!
Veal MURDER

McDonalds quarter pounder with cheese - MUR- wait this falls under the Delicious Covenant!

Sardines MURDER!
Bacardi Strawberry MURDER - no really, it's that bad!


Ok.. so it is hot in here... and I need a piece of ass. So, I am totally gonna be a sad ass and call for some booty... that is not available. damn.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:56 PM 0 comments

Crime and Punishment: Faking an Orgasm

I was told by a friend that I am the only female she knows that doesn't fake orgasms. There is a reason for that. When you fake an orgasm, in the end, you are only hurting yourself. Unless, of course, it is a pity fuck - in that case - moan away! He needs a little lift.

Orgasms are the end result of foreplay/sex done right. If you fake an orgasm, how is he ever going to know what it really takes to get you off? You are just hurting yourself.

Fake an orgasm and you will immediately bolster his Sex God ego - which all men have deep down, and to be honest I have only met one man that could actually claim that status. But, deep down, all men think they are a sexual genius. When you fake an orgasm, you play into that ego. That is hurting him too because one day, he will run into a woman like me and I will inform him that he can talk the talk, but he certainly cannot walk the walk. You are hurting other women down the line by this blatant bullshit you are shoveling his way. If he fucks another woman badly... after you have given your Golden Globe performance - will she be inclined to fake it? or will she fess up like me? Imagine, he is in the bar talking trash about how great he is in bed and then boom - loose lucy decides to take him out for a test drive - That is like your parents telling you you can sing, Mr. William Hung.

Faking an orgasm is childish. Yes, a lot of women do it, and I dont understand why. I think they are falling back into the stereotypes that sex is a man's game and women are just along for the ride. Maybe these women have never had a real orgasm before or maybe they dont understand the importance of sex....but those women are not in charge of their sexuality. If you are not looking for an orgasm that is fine. Some women like the hold me, love me stage better than the sex. If that is what you are after, fine - but dont fake an orgasm. What's the point?

Are you trying to make your partner feel successful? Why not show him what it takes to really be successful? What, is that too much work for you? Are you trying to get your partner to just hurry up? Why not turn the tables and just take care of him? Do you really think that he cares if you have an orgasm? Think about that one long and hard. :) If it is some random hookup, a one night stand, or some guy that doesnt care about you in the least - odds are good that he doesnt care what your name is, much less if you are going to climax. If it is a committed relationship - yes, he probably does want you to reach orgasm... and some guys who are well aware of how delicious they are in bed, will want to make you achieve orgasms to bolster their own ego. Ah, the true sex god.

So, here is my advice... if you want a healthy sex life... quit with the bullshit. Faking it is lying. Maybe he will just fake it for you when he tells you the results of his STD panel? how would you like that. No, he wouldnt be lying - he would be faking it, right? ;) Just be honest. If he cant make you reach orgasm... then oh well... but give it a shot.

here is the best lil story I can give you....to show you why faking an orgasm is wrong:

Imagine when you were a child..... where would you be today and what amazing books would you have missed out on if you had simply continued to pretend to read? You would have missed some amazing novels --- hey, and dont forget those trashy tabloid magazines. And here is the best part - after a while, he will realize that you are faking....and at that point he will say to himself "well, she has been content to fake it this long... who cares ". Say good bye to your next orgasm!

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:55 AM 0 comments

So - it's Thursday. Lovely. I am ready for the weekend... but I am apparently going to be working ALL weekend. NICE. lol. lucky me!

I am just ready to earn enough moeny to move back to SC! :) I am so ready to go home. I am gonna miss a lot about TN. I will definitely be coming back for visits... spring break, crimmis break, etc.... weekends. :) but I have to get back to Cola.

I have been watching John Edward Crossing Over a lot lately. It seems like every time I turn on the TV- there it is. He says that when you dream about the dead.. most likely, they are communicating with you. I like to think that he is correct. That explains why I have only dreamed of my mother maybe 4 times in the almost year that she has been dead.... but those dreams have been remarkable. In each one, I am fully aware that she is dead, but there was one dream. The first real dream I had about my mom. She told me that she was ok. she was in heaven and not to worry. It was so something she would say too.... So who knows. I would really kill to go see John Edward. He is gonna be in Charlotte soon... hmmm, maybe Aunt Berta would go with me. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 9:14 AM 0 comments

Oh Oh Oh I talked to Randy today! God I miss him! He is so damn funny! Damn, I love that boy lol. Too funny.

I am ready to get back to South Carolina... Columbia, but I am gonna miss Julie so much... and Josalyn.. she is my little TANK. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 4:10 PM 0 comments

So I talked to my Aunt Berta tonight... and it was fabulous. I have been really depressed lately - missing my mom and we talked about that - and it was the first time I have really talked about it to a living person and not here on the blog. It is hard to talk about it in person - mainly because I dont want to.... and if you havent lost a parent... you cant possibly understand... even if you lost YOUR mom... you didnt lose MY mom... and you will never know what I am going through. My aunt thinks I never took time to grieve. I think she might be right. It has been almost a year - and I still have Moms cell phone in the phonebook of my cellphone and I still have the house number saved as Mama and Daddy. Maybe it is time to try and let it go... but to be honest, I dont want to let her go. I hate to think of forgetting her.....

So, I can use sex, drugs, alcohol, or cutting to help me become a little more numb... but its a temporary fix to a permanent problem. But I will find my absolution one day... hopefully one day soon.

I am sorry for the depressing entry. LOL. Whew = look at the drama queen lol.

There is so much pain in this life... but I swear there is a balance. There is so much good too - you just have to open your eyes and your arms and your heart. It is swimming all around us, all of the time, and we just have to reach for it... be open to it.

To quote a fave old poem "Pain radiates near the surface, to remind us that there is something deep within us, worth aching for" :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:31 PM 0 comments