Retarded USC Girl

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS THE LONGEST EMAIL KNOWN TO MAN! Let me just say that it stirred some shit... and since I am all about airing some dirty laundry... here ya go. I received it this morning. -RUSCG


Thu, 7 Jul 2005 10:15:08 -0400

I have some things that I wanted to say to everyone, so instead of trying to repeat it 5 times, I thought an email would be the easiest way to make sure that everyone hears and understands what I am trying to say, without there being any miscommunication. I know that Jodi doesn’t get to check his email, but I am going to send it to him anyway, then call him and read it to him. Then tonight I will talk to each of you individually.


It has been brought to my attention that ya'll had been planning a party for me all along, but I had no idea that this was what you were planning. When Ashlyn and Crystal called me last week and asked me what kind of shower I wanted, I did not know that you had already been planning the party thing. If I had known other wise then clearly I wouldn't have thought that it was going to be a bridal shower. Also, I thought that you were aware that the Ridgeland girls have been planning their party thing since May, but I guess I didn't communicate that to you, and so I apologize. I am sorry for not making ya'll more aware of what has been going on. My biggest thing was not wanting guests to feel like they had to bring gifts both times. Plus my other concern was if it was supposed to be a coed thing, worrying about nicks schedule, because he starts RA training and all that jazz very soon, so he will be out of commission for 3 weekends. It has never been my intention to hurt feelings or make anyone mad. I just was not aware of what you were planning or wanting to do. My frustration just boils down to the point that if I had known what you were planning then we wouldn’t have gone through this whole rigmarole of everyone’s feelings being hurt. That is not the kind of person I am, which brings me to my second point…

The other thing that I have heard a lot about these past couple days is that there is a general consensus among our group that feels that I think that I am better than everyone else. I am extremely hurt. I feel like for the past 5 or 6 years that I have been a good friend. I feel like I have done things for everyone. I did these things NOT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM BETTER THAN ANYONE, BUT BECAUSE I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I also feel like I have done a good job at supporting my friends in their times of need. These statements do not indicate that I think that I am better than anyone else. I guess what I don’t understand is that if I act like I think I am better than everyone else, why would anyone want to continue to be friends with me? And why hasn’t this been brought to my attention before? Also, if I did think I was better than anyone else, why would I continue a friendship with people who I thought were “below” me? It just doesn’t make sense to me. I realize that I have made some mistakes, and maybe said some things that aren’t that nice..but is that any different from what any body else in our group of friends hasn’t done? No- we have all done it, we are all just as guilty as the next one. So it doesn’t make one of us better or worse than the other.
The last thing that I would like to address is the fact that it seems that the other hot topic is that I have changed so much since I was in Dallas. Well I have. But it doesn’t make me better than anyone else. Before I moved away, I had no idea what being completely on my own was like. I mean sure, I felt all grown up living in Columbia, but I still went home all the time, and got groceries from my parents, and if there was an emergency they could be there to help me out. Also, I had instant access to the other group of people (besides my parents) who mean the absolute world to me-ya’ll. Ya’ll are what made the world go round. I mean, college was the best time of my life, and being with ya’ll was all I ever wanted to do. (I mean, have u seen my grades, clearly studying was not what I wanted to do). So when I moved to Dallas it was a different world. There were no parents to go home to on the weekend, no retards to go out with. It was a very sobering experience. Never in my younger years did I think I would ever have the guts to pack up my car, take my last 600 bucks and move half way across the country, without a job, or a place to live, but I did. And let me tell you, there were some hard times- that I can promise you. But there were some good times too. I mean, looking back I am glad I had the experiences, because I really had to look inside myself and realize things I had never thought about before. But I am glad that portion of my life is done and over with. There were some times that I wish I could erase out of my memory about living in that place, but I have to remind myself that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, and it’s these life situations that make us who we are. Plus I missed home and ya’ll so much that I was just sick. I have never felt so lonely and desperate in all my life. I gained 50+ pounds trying to eat my misery away….. So, to try to get back to my point. Yes I have changed, and there is no changing that. When I moved to Dallas I got a sudden case of oh shit I have to grow up! And that’s a huge life- changing event. But these changes by no means make me think that I am better than anyone else. They only have to do with me and my persona, not how I feel about my friends. Me changing DOES NOT change my deep love that I have for each of you. And that I think is the important part. No matter what life throws at me, or how I have to adapt to different situations, nothing changes how much I care about, or the fact that I will always be there for you no matter what you need.
The other fact is that we have all changed in some way. In the past 6 months something has happened to each of us that has changed us in some way. It happens, that’s what life is about, adapting to the changes that we have to deal with. It doesn’t make us different people, it just changes the way we react to different situations, or conduct our daily routines, it doesn’t mean that we become different people.
So we are at the end of my story and I am not sure of what else to say. Only that I am sorry if I hurt anyone’s feelings about the shower/party thing, and I don’t want there to be drama anymore. Being in a friendship isn’t about the drama. It’s about being supportive and giving what you can to those who love you.These are the things that we all do for each other. And I try to be the best friend I know how, these are the things I try to do. So when I fall short of this I am sorry.

Ok.... I know it is long as hell....but you are most likely literate.

So my friends and I received this email today. Naturally... we all calling each other with the "ooohhh shit. did you read that?Check your email Biotch." I have been out of school for a year... long time since I have had a lecture. We were all pretty pissed off by the email. The tone of it just set us off or something. We had a discussion (you know our individual consultations) with the sender and ironed out most of the shit..... but I tell most everything on here.... and today is no different.

After all is said and done and we are done being honest and go back to being nice, I find out that the sender has in fact, this very day stated that I am the pretentious one.... with my Vera Bradley and distaste for inexpensive shoes. Hmmm.... I love Vera because its Vera... the patterns are gorgeous and one of the biggest parts of the experience is picking out your fave new pattern and going to a great lil shop to buy it.... and cheap shoes do not last forever, I would rather spend 100 bux on a pair of stylish shoes that are sitting in my closet and have lasted well over a year. Cost tends to imply quality when working with goods. So, am I pissed about me being referred to as pretentious and being a label-whore? No. I am a label-whore... but only in the sense that I have ones I adore .,... and I do mean ADORE... for my own reasons.... its a personal style thing.... we all have things we wouldnt be caught dead in.... not to say that those things dont work for someone else. Should I be mad? Probably. Why don't I give a shit? To quote my new favorite movie: "fuck it, rock and roll!" People can say whatever they want to say... but I have enough faith in who I am - that it really doesnt cause a stir.... smoke another cigarette, exhale and say (to no one in particular) in a puff of perfect Philip Morris smoke, "Don't Let the Bastards get you down "

Have a nice weekend everyone... a drama free one, I should hope. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 9:28 AM 0 comments

The best voicemails I have received lately:
"You know it's time to leave the party when you are licking a man's asshole and he falls asleep". -JK (after well, licking an unconscious man's asshole at the most recent skinny dipping adventure which would have been episode 2 of Tits McFadden, Big Dick McGee and Woody Johnson. This episode had two guest stars - Alotta Poonannie and The Pervert by the Pool).

"Oh Ashlyn, I am so horny, I need you, I need you, I am so horny, and I am covered in oil!" -J.R. This message is fabulous anyway, but I was checkingmy voicemail on the speaker phone at work.. at the nurses station and I was NOT alone. yowza!

So last night was great on HBO. I am a total and complete HBO-whore. My fave show of all time is Sex and the City.... an HBO classic. I am also a huge Entourage-whore. I love that show. It is like a male version of Sex and the City, if I do say so myself. Too damn funny. Watch it. It rocks! And of course... the Sopranos! woo hoo! Tony Soprano is hot in that "I could totally have you whacked" kinda way. In tribute to the show, I made meatballs this evening. :) Man, I am such a dork.

So this weekend was not overly eventful. Saturday I got together with Jodi and Mo and once he left, Mo and I watchged Boogeyman. It was actually pretty damn scary. So as I am leaving her house at like 4am.... I see a shadow move in the living room -- I call her on my cell to make sure she is not dead. She doesnt answer. Finally, I pull off and she calls me back. She thought I was calling her to scare her... too cute.

Friday night.... well, Friday will long live in infamy. I did it again... I went fucking skinny dipping. Ok, let me tell you how all this shit went down....

Episode Two: TGIF

Tits McFadden went to the hospital on her lunch break to drop off some labs and to see a friend. We will call him Pervert by the Pool, Perv for short. We havent seen each other in probably a year or two.... spoken briefly on the phone since then.... but our schedules never seemed to collide. Well he is now working at HRMC and so yours truly stopped by for a lil visit. Well, I go back to work and that night, Woody Johnson informs me that he is back in town and wants me to come have dinner with him at the Mexican place in Estill - El Zarape. So on my way down, I call Perv and see if he wants to meet us. He does. We have a nice dinner.... it was Mariachi night. Interesting. I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a good mariachi band.

We leave the restaurant and grab some beer before heading back to the scene of the crime - Johnson's place. We hang out for a while drinking and talking when McGee and Poonannie show up. We drink some more, go on a beer run that resulted in the death of an Armadillo, and come back to the house to drink like its 1999.

Well, we are drinking and goofing off and decide to go skinny dippin... again. Leaving my better judgement behind... I end up in the pool with MgGee, Johnson, and Poonannie. Perv stays poolside drinking a beer.

Needless to say....we had a nice time. Naked people tend to enjoy themselves. I got home at like 5:30 am.... after nearly killing like 7 deer. It was craziness. :)

So it was a nice weekend. I am thinking this week will be a nice one as well. :)

Hope everyone has a niiiiice week.... and keep your clothes on..., oh who am I kidding.... :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 5:01 PM 0 comments