Retarded USC Girl

So my Dad is finally free of that snap trout whore he was married to! Yes, the divorce has been final for a while... however, his CDV case was dismissed. Ah, a sigh of relief. I went and saw my Dad last night. He is too funny. The sad thing is that I could not fall asleep until like 4am... had to get up at 6 to drag my ass to work... niiiice. :)

It's gonna be a good day though.

:)

posted by Ashlyn @ 4:48 AM 0 comments

It is crazy when you troll the net and find random pics of yourself that you didnt realize existed. Ha. I forgot about this shit. This is a few summers back at 93.5. And that's "Pimp Daddy" I think he real name was Jamie? Funny stuff.

Anyway besides the randomness of the internet, nothing much has happened today. Funny thing I meant to mention.... Jason said something hillarious "yeh. he is straight. He likes it STRAIGHT up his ass!" Ah, it tickled me. :)

We attempted to eat lunch at Hoover Station in Hampton today. It was absolutely TERRIBLE. The chicken was absolutely charred and dry and really quite nasty... and we know I love to eat... when i eat less than 10 calories worth of chicken and send it back.... you know it's bad. The sad thing - we were starving when we got there. We had to wait FOREVER. Seriously... over 40 minutes to be seated.... and they weren't busy. But they will not seat you until a server is able to take your order... cause apparently you are less pissed when you are standing up for 30 minutes than sitting at a table?? craziness.

Anyway - it is Wednesday... hump day.... closer to friday.... ah, and I am ready for the weekend indeed!

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:10 PM 0 comments

Last night, I watched "The Matrix" for the sole reason that Jodi has gotten me thinking about it. His sister is soon to give birth to a baby booy... named Neo. So, I am watching it - and it is still a really good movie. But, I started thinking, if I were Neo - things would have been different.

If I were Neo, first of all, I would have had a penis... but let's leave that aside. I would have been so pissed when my ass woke up on that broke ass ship that resembled a beat up ass version of the sub from "Hunt for Red October" minus one Mr. Connery. I would have been seriously pissed to go from cute, mussy hair to bald and sans eyebrows with big ass fucking holes all over my body. When Tank made me an empty sardine can full of runny ass grits... I would have realized I was living in a world without chocolate and would have asked them to kill me like the Matt Damon/Leonardo DiCaprio scene in "The Departed". "Kill me, just fucking kill me".

Now, it would be cool as shit to fly around and be Mr. Bad Ass in the all black while IN the Matrix, but my ass would never wanna leave. Fuck that ship. I would tell Morpheus that since I was The One, I felt I needed to be THE ONE who spent most of my day IN the Matrix. And while in the Matrix, I would rock it out.

So I guess the greater question is: Would you choose freedom if it meant you would ultimately suffer? You would struggle and fight and have your world turned upside down, but in the end, you would be free?

I think in a real world scenario, I probably would. I mean, I hope I wouldn't totally puss out, but in the Matrix - I dunno. I was watching this documentary on TV and this woman was a victim of a bombing. She had no idea where here child was because of the blast and she was crying for Sadam to come back because under him she knew what was going to happen and didn't live in fear.

Someone is always clammering for control - we are never really free. We like to believe that we are, but there will always be some governing body who decides what we can and cannot do. There will always be boundaries and borders which define how one must live his life. There will always be obligations that must be met in order to live freely or otherwise. And here is the kicker... even if you can escape the bounds of this world... bypass the rules... buy a small island and run it how you like, you still wont be free. You will be a slave to your conscience or whatever mental disorder chooses to rear its head.

Freedom, much like lack of cellulite, is just an illusion. Fat-free, Sugar-free - it looks ok, but when you taste it, you know something is amuck.

posted by Ashlyn @ 5:06 AM 0 comments

some people never cease to amaze me...

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:42 AM 0 comments

We live in such a crazy mixed up world. Our gender roles are usually so well defined. We have seperate products for the sexes. We use the same products they just have different names or colors: deodorant, body wash, razors, socks (i meancome on, a white sock is a white sock). We have energy bars that are designed for men even. It's ridiculous. Then there are the crossover products like Aveeno lotions and facial cleansers by Clearasil. We use the same types of toothpaste and we buy unisex tshirts.

Then I grab a box of Pamprin (they were out of Midol) and I read the warning label "do not take if you have trouble urinating due to an enlarged prostate". How many chicks with cramps have a prostate? This is like drag queen advil. Then I call Jodi and tell him about the label. He informs me that he takes Midol for headaches because it works so fast. I guess this is the new crossover product. Either that or Jodi is ahead of his time.

Speaking of ahead of his time.... does anyone remember Hypercolor t-shirts?

So, I am taking the Pamprin which means I am in a generally foul mood. Retaining water, wanting chocolate, nauseated, and bloated. Oh yes... this is sexy. Men have it so easy. I want to have elective surgery to remove my uterus. Come on - let's take it away! Hysterectomy please! Not a complete... leave the ovaries... I dont want to have to wake up and shave a beard in the morning. But hey.... the good side of having a period - it means I am not preggers and ya just cant argue with that!

So we went out Friday night. I had the day off work... I lounged and watched movies and then went out to Bomb's Away which is this total hole in the wall bar. We had a really nice time and the band was really good. I drank really really delicious and cold Yuengling. I drank too much of it... but it was SO worth it.

There was this dude in the bar that apparently can pull mad ass. I have no idea why. I would have to drink a case of Yuengling.. no, no make it PBR and then still have to take an entire pallet of horse tranquilizers to want to bang that dude. I mean - damn. There must be some seriously desperate women in Hampton County.

Sadly... I am such a nerd. This became obvious as we are sittin in the bar and I am profiling patients for an upcoming study. :) Jill pointed out this one dude in the bar and I was like "OMG I would never sleep with anyone who would qualify for Crescendo". She was like "Holy Shit. I think you might be right. Pull his chart on Monday". We are "company girls" :)

Easter came and went without the usual pastels and fan fare. I ate a Milky Way. It was insanely delicious. I got on the scale this morning only to discover I gained two pounds. Apparently, the nougat in the Milky Way was really Quickrete. I am banking the two pounds on the Hoover Dam I am retaining. Niiice.

Anyway, it was a nice long weekend. I had a really nice time just lounging, relaxing, drinking too much, eating too much, (ah 'twas such a Roman Holiday).

I have this internal chorus now... no longer an internal monologue.... and it's all Beatles songs... thanks to "Across the Universe".

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:48 AM 0 comments