Retarded USC Girl

A random thought made public in my life today.... There really are idiots among us... they are everywhere... a cancer on society. They, naturally, dont think they are idiots. They think they are superior. Their job title might even reaffirm that fact for them... but they are idiots none the less. Give an idiot any power or authority whatsoever.... and that moron will run amuck with it. Let's hope El Retardo AssoHoleo Numero Uno is not near me in traffic on my ride home today.... I might be feeling sassy n run his ass down like a dog. Internet Shminternet, douchebag. Welcome to the modern work force.

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:40 PM 0 comments

Mr. Eddie died yesterday... on jessica's birthday.... her 21st birthday... a day that should be celebrated and end in the girl heaved into a lump on the floor -- vomitting profusely. it didnt happen that way. Eddie would have wanted her to party.... he would have wanted her to live her life.... she said she finally cut her cake and that was as far as the birthday went. Mr Eddie.... he is an awesome guy, and he is really one of those people... that I would be less of a person if I had never known him. It is truly sad to say that the world lost one of the good ones yesterday... but it did.

I dont really handle death very well. I mean, I just try to look at it at face value.... and I never skim much further than the surface. I take death on mildly.... and in my heart of hearts I fear only one aspect of it. I dont fear my own death --- I fear pain. My reaosning for that is a combination of faiths and the pain part is that I am a wuss. My HUGE fear is losing my parents. I know one day they will die.... its a fact, but I dread that day and know I wont be able to handle it... and secretly I pray I will go before them, so I wont have to live with that kind of grief. I LOVE my parents sooo much. They are amazing people.

So, death is in the air.... but I have come to believe in a kinder version of death... a merciful reaper. I think that was Eddie's death. His cancer had gotten so bad, it had consumed his body. His spirit was still alive and kicking, but tired.... and he needed a rest. No more alarm clocks, no more bad diet foods that cost three times as much and taste three times worse. No more pissy bitchy people, no more 5 o clock traffic in the heat, no more oil changes...

.... no more cheesecake, no more laughter,,,, not in this realm anyway. I am glad his pain is over. He deserves to be at peace. But I am selfish and I wish he was here. We all wish he was here. Eddie... you are hillarious. I will always rememebr you fondly!

No my life is quite the Drama Club as Mark would say. Whhen tragedy arises.... good springs forth as well.... my emotions are a livewire. I am upset... at Eddies death... yet somehow I immediately find peace in it and comfort in knowing his pain is over. That he can be at peace. But still knowing all the while, that we will all miss him. Laying out the black dresses (and the ultra sassy black n white one) to take with me to Savannah for the services. I am weairng the black scoop neck one now.... its like Round 4 cocktail dress... great for a football game. I am wearing it to the visitation tonight.

Then I am going to straighten my hair (curly has got to go).... and put on jeans and a slut top and go drinking with Ben. He called me last night. He is sooo funny. :) He is SOOO Sweet... OMG He is gonan come up here n stay with me the weekend of fall out. If he cant get saturday off... he is just gonan come up sat night when he gets off work. But, if he can get it off, he will come up friday n go to FALLOUT!!! yay!

Buddy --- the dude from Crocs called me... I am not even gonna use the phrase "taking one for the team" here. There are some times when the team just needs to understand the actual amount of sacrifice.

I love when someone is like " come on down to the club n we will get you in...." and I am like "WTF over... I am 21 and I have a VIP pass... why do I need you to get me in??" I mean, come on....

Anyway, I am at work.... its quiet here today. Only like 3 phone calls.... I am here until 5.

-DMV (Fucking eternity) to get license renewed
-WORK 12-5
-RHUU - go check my mail. see if check has arrived.
-WALMART - ALLTEL buy a new cell phone n service plan
-26 to 95 - 2 and a half hour drive to Savannah
POOLER - see Jessie and everyone at Visitation
SAVANNAH - bar hoppin

those are my plans for today. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:06 AM 0 comments

quotes of my day... the reasons for these vary.

"in between us lies the calm before a storm that rages"
"Tried to get ahead but only got decapitated"
"I heard about your trip.... I heard about your souveniers, i heard about the cool breeze and the cool nights and the cool guys that you spent them with" ;)

A lot fo things rambling around in my head today.... very few revolving around economics... although Y= C +I+G+X is exciting stuff ;)

The game is fun. Games are always fun.... Losing isnt.... playing for no reason can be fun... its justa game afterall, something to fill your time for a while... so my advice to all involved is just to play.... at all costs.... you dont have to be ruthless or even guarantee that you will win... its just important that you play. The smiles... the laughs.... the looks across the abr... its all a part of the game... fuck it.. that IS the game.

I am one of "those" girls... the snubbing bitches that want something or someone until they know they can have them... and then i dont want them anymore. Its like a character flaw... and I wish i wasnt liek that, but at least I am honest. So, I like the boys that can play the game. And those that can play it well.

The ball bounces between courts. I am frigid bitch.... then nice.... then frigid bitch... then nice. Its an unusual combination.... but its all a part of the game... and I definitely enjoy playing.

Regardless of the outcomes.... it sucks once you are painfully aware of them.... so you just play and enjoy every check and counter.

Fun fun fun

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:47 PM 0 comments

there are days when the indecisions and the close guard we keep on our emotions, and our bits of conscience and hesitation combine..... they morph into some giant orb and sit deep within your stomach. they turn and bubble and roill and gnaw at you for the longest time. It is like a persistent headache.... always there.... usually there.... mostly there... throbbing... coming and going.... and aggravations galore.

So you sit back and you wonder.... about all those indecisions.... and how close that guard relaly needs to be, and that grip of emotion and consciene and all those moments of stopping and starting... that hesitation... those precious seconds that you wasted. you play all the what-ifs through your mind.... until you live them and you dont care anymore.

And you become decisive, and you let your guard down. You run with those emotions that war within you. you acknowledge that conscience and you dont let it burden you with guilt and pain and anguish. You realize that you are just as human as anyone else. You act now... in the moment. You dance when the song starts, you sing when you remember the words and you mumble over the parts you dont.... and you do that loudly. You just live. Live for the moments.... not for the minutes that have already passed. yesterday may have been golden.... but gold loses that luster in time. tomorrow .... tomorrow is a grand idea.... but today.... today is what I live for.

- odd to get calls at work n recognize the person on the other end of the line from High School. ironic lil world... indeed "lil" is appropriate. It is a good day

posted by Ashlyn @ 8:21 AM 0 comments

And I am back in the updating mood. I am at work... was on duty last night. I really need a new key to the Jimster's office. My residents are the absolute shiznit... I am not kidding u! How marvelous are they!?!

This weekend.... I will be honest.... it blew more ass than a whale blows water.... completely threw that in there for Melissa. ;) I am serious. Jessica crapped out on me at 11:30 and I ended up going to Tommy's by myself. let me just say they were holding like a Springer cast Reunion or the clientelle is really like all from trailer park Uni -- Adult Ed division. I mean it was rough. A lot of bikers.... knowing my history -- that is not a bad thing.... but in this instance -- totally the wrong kinda bikers.

So i was listening to the radio last night. Just had to smile. Some things in life are just too ironic.

Weekend in review.... talked to Ben, didnt get to see him though as I was with Jess --- who crapped out on me at 11:30 after I had already spent a small fortune in the liquor store for her.... and I ended up going alone to an extremely skeezy bar. I am such a dork.... and pathetic is far too kinda of an adjective to describe me n my life right now.

I am hoping Ben will be able to come up here for FallOut.... He is too fun.... we will definitely show him how we party DG and Columbia style. Speaking of DG.... it is so nice to be around the girls again.... Rebecca Shull n Becky Roberts..... those girls know drama.

I am off to do some economics homework. I will be back....

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:58 AM 0 comments