Friday, January 23, 2004

I swear.... sometimes...I pause for a moment and feel like I am living in a damn soap opera. You have your classic characters.

1. the good ones that are so loveable yet painfully naive
2. the brazen ones who speak their mind
3. the villians
4. the wannabees... you know the one that thinks he is artsy or thinks he is cool and comes up short in every endeavour.
5. the assholes n thugs ... lol i am sooo using THUG now.. great word
6. the drama queen
7. the whore
8. the divorcee ala Elizabeth Taylor

Thankfully I dont know anyone who has intermarried with friends exes or anything.... and I am yet to see anyone with that crazy look in his eyes as he wields a gun ... or date anyone I have met in the shrink's office (ala The OC)... but still there is a lot of drama.

posted by Ashlyn @ 8:39 AM 0 comments

the bullshit still mounts. There is no desk coverage for today from 11-1 or 10 -1 or some shit. i am so sick of it I dont even want to look at the schedule. I want to get everything done and taken care of... and the knot in my stomach will only be removed when every block on that schedule is filled and every DA shows up for their shift. But then another part of me, thankfully a larger part of me realizes that I have already been in the hospital once and I am not planning on stressing myself out to the point of killing myself or ending up back in the ER. It is soooo fucking not worth it. Then... underlying that, another part of me knows that even if I let it roll off .... stress still affects the body physically. that scares me.

I am just annoyed. i have been annoyed ALL week. I want my private life and my "professional" life to be seperated. (i.e. Class = class, Cell phone = NOT WORK RELATED (unless of course it is a dire emergency... and I mean someone is bleeding)), and work= work..... when I am on duty, when I am at the desk... during MY scheduled hours, when I am working with residents or doing something for an event..... buit not every second of ever minute of every day.... I deserve to be able to go to my room... and be a senior in college.... not a senior in college who is running herself into the ground.

Some times... you just get so mad, you want to spit.

posted by Ashlyn @ 5:31 AM 0 comments

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Have you ever been really very happy with things in your life.... except for like one thing... and that puts a hole in your boat.

It is like you wake up and you dread going to work.... only imagine that even when you are sleeping... you are at work. You cant escqape it. then you have dumb meetings and stupid ass events all the time... and everything good about the job is buried in a flavorless void.

So you wake up today like every day... only it has been building.... and you realize that with every passing day... you hate it more.

Hate is an odd thing.... it builds and rolls inside your stomach.... and makes you hate everything outside so much that eventually the hate starts to radiate within.... and when you get to that point that you hate the inside... where do you go from there?

I'll tell you where...

You find the source of all that bullshit in your life.... and you narrow it down.... and you realize, "Fuck. it's my job and the bullshit that surrounds it..." and then you look at viable options for alternatives. and the hate of your current situation is still there... but not killing you.... because you see the horizon.... and at the very least, you have an answer to a question you've been asking yourself since August.

..... and you cant help but smile inside.... through the bullshit and through the hate.... because you can see it coming to an end. It's a new year.... new beginnings and new ends.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:56 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Man... I should have updated a little sooner... as time passes, details fade... I guess that is true in all arenas. Anyway here is a recap of the weekend...

Friday: Larry and Chris came down. We all went out to dinner. Had a marvelous time. Melissa is HILLARIOUS. Chris can dance... like DAMN kinda dance.... Larry .. well, larry does his rendition. Anyway, Chris was dancing... and the drunken larry got, the more he wanted to dance.... so he would... and chris is dancing.. then larry is dancing.... and Melissa leans over to me and says, "you know in American Wedding... the dance off... in the gay bar...".

Saturday: Picked Buddha and Nick up from the airport. Spent time at Buddha's that night playing cards and shooting the shit. Shoe shopping during the day in Aiken with Mama n Daddy.

Sunday: I dont remember what all I did. Ended up in Cola working the desk from 7-9

Monday: MLK Jr day... worked at the desk 2-3..

Ok so this week... its been fun.... some professors are just fun.... and I have one of those this semester. Thank God!

Poor guy ... on the elevator... he said he was an econ major.... when one guy asked him what classes and professors he had.... as soon as he said "Kiker", there was a collective groan in the elevator. I may have groaned loudest of all.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:23 AM 0 comments