Retarded USC Girl

Reason to be nice on a Friday afternoon: nice people are happy.... happy people are smiling... smiling, happy people are attractive. Attractive people go to five points and bring a warm body home with them. Psychotic people go to five points and bring a cold body home with them. Potentially one they killed in the car.

posted by Ashlyn @ 12:20 PM 0 comments

These times.... they are a-changin..

I am in an odd mood. Randy came in today! Once again, my heart soars. lol. Having two perverted people in a small space at one time,... even when nothing happens.... the room is still gonna smell like sex. :)

I am an absolute sweetheart. Eric "Woodrow" had mentioned that he loved a certain kind of OldSchool Rootbeer. "Frostie with a Santa Claus on the bottle". So, yours truly found some of it. If that doesnt entitle me to shed any shred of a "bitch" title, I dunno what does.

93.5 is having their version of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice". It is called "The Gopher", and I am seriously gonna apply. We will see if I get selected. One can only hope lol. It would be fun to just do random things. Random things usually do make me happy.

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:05 AM 0 comments

There is a little plant on my desk.... oddly enough, I know someone who might be sexually attracted to it.

I didn't get to go to da shoe this morning when it was all foggy... so I am gonan go now... well in 9 minutes and mosey there for a bit before I must get ready for dinner.

Word of wisdom: surrounding yourself with wonderful, amazing, witty people is the only way to be happy long term.... that and liposuction, lots of cash, and chocolate.

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:50 PM 0 comments

Werewolf Sex
Eric "Woodrow", the Werewolf Sexlord was the inspiration for the following article entitled "Battle of the Bulge". To note his credentials, I won't recite any ISBN numbers, I will simply say that he crafted the art of Werewolf Sex Acts. In his free time, he traipses naked in the moonlight.... full moon light. "I am having a little structural integrity problem right now..." - E. Woodrow

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:51 PM 0 comments

"The Battle of the Bulge"

An erection can ruin the structural integrity of your pant. This information was relayed to me earlier today. While I appreciate the info, I immediately wrote it off as a casual observation. I later decided that there could in fact, be some relevance to this issue. In true investigative fashion, I decided to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

The pharmaceuticals market has been flooded with products similar to Pfizer’s Viagra. While Pfizer’s advertising approach is related more to older males experiencing impotence, it has spawned a new sexual revolution, where sexual performance and male self image are tied hand in hand.

Another male enhancement product, Enzyte, advertised directly to men. These ads show men with more confidence and self esteem. It poses the notion that “bigger is definitely better”. So, where are men left? In a potential minefield of self esteem vs. social norm, body image vs. need for acceptance, sexual stamina vs. penile potential?

Marketers naturally have realized this. More men using more products will equal more men with more erections. There is money to be made from this new erectile revolution, and not solely in prophylactics and pharmaceuticals. The clothing industry will not be left untapped. While these products cannot attempt to improve one’s sexual prowess, as it can only be achieved through actual experience, they can improve the potential with which the man has to work.

So, the statement, “an erection can ruin the structural integrity of your pants”, must be taken seriously. With more men potentially having to question this structural integrity, what is a clothier to do? Columbia architect, Eric Lockwood knows a thing or two about structural integrity. Seeing as how he should be able to approach this problem from a mathematical stand point as opposed to a sexual one, I approached him. He offered some extremely sound advice in the form of a mathematical expression to determine the actual structural integrity required of a pant.

SI = pi x 1/2l / h > 69. Using this equation, a man should be able to calculate, given his height, penile length, and the standard pi (3.14) the structural integrity required from a basic chino or khaki. Seersucker really is not an option. The loose, puckered weave of the fabric alone could seem penetrable. A heavier linen or chino pant is recommended.

Dockers answered the call by creating a line of “wrinkle release” khakis, not to mention “stain defender” chinos. But is this enough to combat a rising trend of structural damage? Only time will tell. Spring fabrics are light, leaving room for structural ineptitude. Fortunately, winter is right around the corner and wool is in once again!

For the male on the go this spring, fighting the fashion faux pas can be managed. I recommend a canvas short, cargo short (that fit loosely when sitting, and pockets that are sewn on, not in). I further recommend the new lines of Dockers in “wrinkle release” and “stain defender” fabrics. Look for a cut that is fuller through the thigh, secure in the waist, and avoid the tapered leg. A full cut pant will be most likely to fight the battle of the bulge.

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:25 PM 0 comments

Graduation
Define Irony: The boy who gave me mono graduated from USC the same day as me.... from the School of Public Health. :)

A pipe is leaking at BW and flooding our entry way... we have a moat. Moving out is tedious and awful and my car is beyond loaded.... like seriously, I cant see out the back or sides. I hope I dont pass a cop.... not that I would be able to see him anyway.

Powerade is so good. It is like almost on par with Diet Coke. I will hopefully be moving into the Roost either tonight or tomorrow.

:) Smile. These are the golden days. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:27 AM 0 comments

Wow. The college scene is no longer where I belong. I find that odd. I am not going to be one of those losers that hangs on to every shred though. I am not that pathetic. I will however have until the end of June to enjoy all that embodies the college experience. I will be living at the Roost. I will still have the furry pillows and retarded shit.... but they will be packed away in July.

I have a new resolve... a new sort of calm center. A sense of completion.... sounds like I just took a huge shit, doesnt it. I am happy.

posted by Ashlyn @ 2:12 PM 0 comments