Friday, January 20, 2006

Man - I am sitting on the fence... teetering on the edge of a decision.... throwing myself back into being miserable. I have a job interview lines up for Monday.... and I am going to go - just to go and see how it is... but I am still an investigator. I wonder why I hate my job so much? It is like the Pavlov effect.... I think about one little aggravating aspect of my job and POOF this unreal sense of panic sets in. It's funny - I never used to be like this.... If this is all a prt of getting older... well, kill me now. I am still miserable... eventhough I try to convince myself to be positive and to look on the bright side. I am miserable that I let myself get back into a situation I know I dont want to be in - I am ready to make a change.... and discard the safety nets that I am tangled up in. I am ready for a change of pace - a change of heart - a change of something....



-And tonight I would like to get very very drunk and very very laid

Happy Birthday Benji!

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:27 PM 0 comments

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I hate that feeling - the knot in your stomach... twisting and tightening, suffocating you. Feeling strangled by everything around you - everyone around you... wanting to just sit back and relax and breathe and not have so many worries heaped on you all at once.

That would be nice - to sit back and breathe and relax and just enjoy the moments of life that I can savor..... and I will.... all in due time..... I thought that was what I was doing... preparing myself to do -

SO I have agreed to give my job another whirl..... a seocnd chance - and see how it goes from here... see where it goes from here.

Ah, what the fuck am I doing to myself?

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:36 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

So... today has been a really really interesting day. Yesterday was a good day indeed... and today held an awful lot of promise - which it lived up to. SO... if you read my old posts from like 2003 and up - you will be pleased to note that I emailed Moose. hahahaha I know right, I grew some balls or a sense of nostalgia kicked in..... one or the other - maybe both... and it is nice to hear from him ... to see how everyone's lives have changed in recent years.

Julie is too much fun to hang out with and Jos cracks my ass us. "Ok. You fucker" - you know a four year old has been around me too long when she correctly forms a statement using "fucker
.

On the most recent boy drama - the donkey dick stopped in and talked to Julie today. SHe said he seemed depressed. You know... I could um... fix that. :)

I dunno what I am doing with my life.... as long as I am not bored - I'll be alright... and I could use a little weed.... not for me, of course lol.

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:51 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

So - about the other day. You know what they say. 'If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with..." Well... in this case, we can scratch the word love and just say WANT. "If you can't be with the one you WANT, WANT the one you're with. That is a little better. So... in my efforts to bed down Hottie McHotterton, I have had to venture off the traditional path and go back to banging Swifty - the man with a penis the size of a well used golf pencil. Ah, I swear.... the dumb ass things I do. Swifty is a BAD lay.... and I mean BAD lay in the sense that his dick is so small we have not actually had sex. Oh - he thinks we have because I am on top and wiggling and moaning and screaming like I am being paid $1.99 a minute to do it.... but the only thing he is successfully fucking is my thigh. I swear... I dont really have the heart to tell him - I mean..... how do you have that conversation? "WEll. look. doll. I am not saying you are bad in bed.... it is just that your dick leaves a lot to be desired???" What is up with this recent epidemic of little packages floating around out there? It's crazy. One small pecker is one too many, if you ask me... and me and a friend have both seen one within days of each other.

What makes this situation so bad is that I have seen a large one lately... a rather impressive one, actually.... and judging from the others I have seen lately.... this one belongs in the Smithsonian. I mean - here is one- built for the stables.... and I can't have it. So damn unfair. So, I will bide my time, having my thigh fucked by the tictac.... until one day ... hopefully one day soon... I will be able to go to the stables and take that horse for a ride. :) Man... I just cant wait to SADDLE up. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 2:10 PM 0 comments

Monday, January 16, 2006

Am I a loser?

No -seriously... am I? I have been wondering about this.... I mean, when I sit back and really evaluate my life... adding everything up - I think I could definitely fall into that whole "loser" catergory. Damn. You know, 5 years ago - I thought I would have turned out much cooler than this. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 4:52 PM 0 comments

Sunday, January 15, 2006

So.... where do I begin.. Let me give the full update on things.... I am very very honest on here... and I am honest for the simple fact that most of the people that read this have no idea who I am... so you can think I am a retard, a whore, or a loser and it's cool. But here is the deal...

So I spoke to an ex after a few drinks... and he told me that I play games and then I "Switch the Script". I am such a game player apparently. I realize, that, per chance... in the past, I have played games.... so is it karma that now when I dont want to play games at all... I find a boy who is going to play them with me? Maybe I deserve to be fucked with and devastated lol.

In more finite news - I have decided to take life by the horns and quit my bitching about my situation. I hate my job and guess what - I am quitting. What am I gonna do? Well, I am not sure exactly - which is scary and uncertain and exciting.... and I am going to find something that will keep me busy, make some money, and in the end - still let me enjoy life.

Life is far too fucking short to live like that. I am not going to waste whatever time I have being a real stick in the mud. I want to relax and live life. I want to drink, smoke, eat, fuck and be happy... is that too much to ask?

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:11 PM 0 comments