Retarded USC Girl

:) It turned out to be a pretty nice night indeed. I have this scrap book of sorts in my room.... and I keep things in it... notes, ticket stubs, memories.... all kinds of things... it is a way for me to remember the great stuff.... and the dumb stuff./... and all that in between stuff from last year and this year.

And I was flipping through it tonight..... and I realized.... like I was a wee bit startled.... but all things are a part of some great plan... all things happen for a reason. Some people just have too much baggage and need to learn how to grow up...

but the bad thing.... is that some days.... several days actually.... i can sit and feel a nagging of regret in my stomach.... and immediately I cringe and think "damn I was stupid". I have realized that my original notions of like lust and love are true in the end. You should never say "I love you" unless you honestly mean it. Sometimes, the best response is "I know you do".

WIth the new year, I, like many... sit and wonder if this year will hold pitfalls or victories. I am left wondering and dismissing thoughts. I dont know yet what the year holds.... and I kinda like it that way. I like the surprises. I like that feeling. Like walking into a bar and seeing an old friend... that stare, that sudden loss of speech and thought.... wonderful moments. I hope this year is filled with those.

Along with those wonderful moments come other things... many of my own doing. I hope though... that this year, this time around.... I will note the distinct difference in Like and Love and not confuse the two... even when the other party does... or doesnt and desperately wishes he did so he pretends to. I think that in your twenties... you are too young to be in love.... its not fair. It is a season of plenty... an endless decade to wander and roam and to really find yourself before finding someone else.

Maybe I am not a romantic lol. Harlequin never lit my fire.... I just think that the idea of love is often better than the reality of it... or of the mistaken identifications of love. Love is long and lasting. It is pure and solid and unwavering.... and clearly something I have never experienced ....

Kinda odd to say that at 22.... but i think that I just admit it... whereas a lot of other 20-somethings take Like or lust and call them love and cry over them... maybe I am just cynical.... and I see through the eyes of retrospect that what at one time contitutes "suave" now constitutes "douchebag" and you see so clearly what the world was screaming at you.

Love those that you love.... honestly and fully. Recognize the difference between like love and lust.

To you, I like you.
TO Colin Ferrel: Its lust... lots n lots and lots of lust.... rrrrrrraaaaaarrrr
To John Philip Clapp: Love/Lust/love/lust :)

jk

To you, I like you

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:17 PM 0 comments

This is the equation:

M = GOD!!!

J1 + O + B (R*) +B + J2+ G/D** + SDITAB

I needed to end the year by adding that one in there. Who knows what equation next year will hold... more varibales or less..... hmm hmm hmmm i wonder.

* R = new addition to reclassify B as B1 and not B2
** /D = new addition used to reclassify... or better clarify that G could be D and D could be G.

J1 and J2 are two seperate variables, not a reappaearance of same variable. All reoccurances have been eliminated from the equation, as they are irrelevant.

posted by Ashlyn @ 1:03 PM 0 comments

So.. I havent logged in to the blog in a few days... sorry.... but to update you:

I spent New Years Eve in the HPT. I fired a shotgun (not at anyone)... it was fun. I had a nice time... I always do in hampton (kansas).

A new year comes with... of course.... new resolutions.... So here they are:

1. I resolve to get in shape... really in shape... no more pussyfotting around the issue. I need a nice ass. This is not negotiable.... and since I am in college, and meal plans are "so" in right now.... lol... Mom was so sweet and ordered Nutrisystem for me. It should arrive on the 12th... I'll be honest as to whether or not it tastes like an MRE. :)

2. Stop smoking. I know I know.... it's cool for colin ferrell... but not for me.... kinda harder to work out when I am wheezing... but then again... asthma is sexy.

3. Give up BAD boys. By bad, I dont mean tatoos and PIERCINGS (which I cant help but adore).. I mean boys that are bad for me... you know, no more "dicking around". I am going to be more careful when selecting Mr. Right Now... gonna try to steer clear of the losers that mar my past :)

4. Get a job.... a real one upon graduation. You know the deal... job = money. Here is the kicker though..... I want to work for love and not for money. Do something I believe in fully.... and not because it pays well.... ok it kinda has to kjeep me above the poverty line... and so i can afford nutrisystem if the shit is good. lol.

5. Love more, argue less, speak more, regret less, live in every moment, let the dead past bury its dead.

6. Eye exam.... i hate getting them... but it is time for another one.

7. This is my last semester in school... I am gonna actually do well... really seriously going to study this time.... (so i say now...)


That is 7... a rather lucky number for some... hopefully for me.... This is very ambitious so if I only achieve like 2 or 3/.// i will be happy.....

but.... if in a year.... i am with a pierced tattooed boy that is WAY too old for me, drinking cheap beer (PBR), smoking a cigarette.... yet I still have a very very nice ass... well then I guess 1 out fo 7 aint bad. :)

Happy New Year, Yall!

posted by Ashlyn @ 12:58 PM 0 comments

Parties in Walterboro are fun. Tripp tied a ribbon to his neck and hiked his underwear up into his ass and danced aorund liek party boy. It was hillarious. Funniest shit Ive seen in a while.

Note to self: remember past hookups with only a nostalgic eye... do not run into them at a party.... it just takes all the glow out of a memory. (ok not that there was much glow in this memory to begin with...) one word: REMBRANDT

Great holiday. aunt Berta and mike came down to the house. Santa was kind....

and yet again I have a renewed sense of faith. This year... I seriously will resolve to go to church.... often.... We almost died last night.... and I mean it. A head on collision both cars going up hill... speeding.... not gonna be a real wreck you can walk away from.... but for us it was a near miss.... and I have to say that as close as we came to it.... there was clearly divine intervention. Thanks.

Today I am on duty.... today and tomorrow actually. I plan to lounge... hookup my karaoke player and my DVD.... sing like its going out of style lol... (pray no one is home on my hall as I do so) and watch movies and SLEEP. Last night was Moes Bday... so it was a pretty late night... that and I couldnt resist watching DOgma when I got in at 2. Man that is a great movie!

Ok... I am off to pick up the pager. I will post more details of the wonderful holiday break and the mass alcohol consumption that ensued.

PJ is GOOD!!!!!!

posted by Ashlyn @ 8:44 AM 0 comments