Retarded USC Girl

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22 SWF looking for man 22-30 currently or previously infected by mono. (hell if the herpes people cna have their own ads... the mono-ites should be able to too. OH glory glory... my brother in his infinite wisdom. I called him today... while he was riding aorund in his cop car trying to bust people for speeding, I told him I had mono. He freaked... and I quote, "WHAT THE FUCK??? YOU got an STD before ME!!??!!" Can you feel the love. I explained it is not technically an STD... he was not so sure. hahah he is funny as shit.

So I have swollen glands and a nasty feeling throat.... and no appetite..... although I did eat a piece of sugar free hersheys choc bar earlier.... and I drink water... I hope this lack of food doesnt make me revert to the old days and issues with food. I have been so healthy lately.

posted by Ashlyn @ 9:38 AM 0 comments

Ok.... this just hit me.... So, my Phone Sex "handler" is rose.... I look at an email... ROse DAWSON!!!! Ok... lets rip off Titanic one time. LMFAO. Maybe her fave scenario is fucking people in the back of an old car and her hand slinging up against the glass...

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:00 AM 0 comments

4-7 weeks.... the reality of that just hit me.... yeah, some LOVELY fucking phone calls to make this week. Dammit. Its not that I am a hoe.... or that I go aorund smooching everyone under the sun.... but you have an occassion to do so..... and u get frikkin infected. I swear.... what a jip. Ok, Ok, in all honesty ---- it was probably worth it.... unless my spleen ruptures. Ok... even then it might still be worth it.

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:17 AM 0 comments

So... the Health center tells me I have Strep throat. I get penicillin (I know I know what is this 1972?). My body is apparently not a real fan of the penicillin. I swell up and get a speech impediment (Anita n Eric LOVED that one). I am serious. I woke up, and I was like... Anita.... is my head bigger? She was like yeah. your face is swollen. I was initially like WHEW.... I mean, those sugar free reeses cups should not make me pack on the pounds over night. So.... to make a long story short.... I went to Dr.Youman's... cause he is the best. :) He looks at my throat.... then he gives me a mono test.... which I totally thought was a waste of my blood. Yeah, I totally have Mono.


The good, the bad, and the ugly about mono:
- no cure.... it has to go away on its own
-sore throat and fevers accompanied by headaches
- nicely, Dr. Youmans said "no rough housing. no strenuous activity --- for a month. No kissing boys for 2 weeks, at least. (I translated that -- "no sex for a month... no hooking up for 2 weeks) :) I mean.... how did I get this in the first place.

Ok... also he tells me... i could have had this 4-7 weeks before now.... so that means I have to contact anyone I have kissed or who has drank after me in the past 4-7 weeks. Ok... its great that I am not making these calls to say "you have syphillis now"... but still i feel bad calling people and telling them that I am infectious.

Also found out that my body temp is wierd.... has been my whole life.... I stay a few degrees colder (very Zima) than normal. For me, normal is like 92-95. So like at 97, I have a fever. It's odd. So I have been going around saying "I'm Cold Blooded" and my "frigid Bitch" thing works well now too.

4-7 weeks.... that is a lot to remember.

To make me feel better... MOM got me a spongebob halloween bucket. In all honesty, it did make me feel better. I am a sad sad soul. I think I need to get some movies out of this one too.... nothing would make me feel better than "Clueless" and "Legally Blonde Two"

Oh God.... let me tell you. Mom and I were in walmart picking up meds. So mom goes and uses the bathroom... she knows which one to use too.... the one in the back near layaway... the clean one... She is like in some secret bathroom club.... when you get old and pee a lot... you know these things. So she is in there..... and this lady walks out of the stall... then starts picking her teeth in the mirror.... no washing of the los manos there either.... so mom is like staring her down. Mom relays this story... n then adds "that is how people get shit!" I look at her and I am like... "ok, woman... I have shit... that is the standard procedure on how to get mono... you pick your teeth with shit soaked fingers??"

Mom also had another gem for us... in the frozen section at wally world... she looks at me and says " can you think of anything you want to suck on?" Immediately she freezes and gets this look on her face.... like she knew how dirty it was....

God, I love that woman.... she makes me laugh. She said "You are gonna miss me when I'm gone..." and I thought to myself... "you have no idea..."

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:04 AM 0 comments

*dont be the wave that crashes from a sea of discontent, he says he's wrestled with that blanket.... leaves you cold and wet, any way you stretch it*


baaaaad weekend. Everclear is not my friend anymore. Hangovers are just not cool.... well they make for great stories, but the actual event is not so kosher.

I have 3 exams this weeks.... reduced from the 5 I expected. Some nice profs.

My Sinuses are acting up --- Dr Youmans... HELLO! He gave me some really good shit for it last time they were killin me... so hopefuilly this time is no different.

All is not right in the world.... but it is getting there.... odd how the tiniest little things can shift your perception.

posted by Ashlyn @ 12:57 PM 0 comments