Retarded USC Girl

This is the last post many will read from me. No, No, I am not holding a razor and staring at my wrists as I write this.... I am not that talented and it still takes too hands to type :) . I am moving my journal to another URL simply because I cannot pasword protect this space for readership as I would like to. If you want to know where I am writing... please just drop me an email to retardeduscgirl@yahoo.com Thanks so much for reading this thing for the past couple of years. All of the emails and IMs have really been awesome and I am so glad that so many people have been able to identify or laugh at my retarded ass. The archives will still be available on here... so god forbid you get bored one day and you have exhausted your supply of internet porn.

So... without further delay... here is the final post:

So I went out last night... with JK, Seth, April, David, Pam, and Greg... to Walterboro... more people showed up such as the sheriff's deputy who pulled the Krispy Kreme truck lmfao, and April's sister in law and her husband and of course, Stacy n Jason. We had a really really really nice time.

SO... there is a yin and yang to everything.... here is the Yang. Brooks came over to the table when it is just Seth, JK, and me... he proceeds to engage me in the worst conversation of my life. HORRIFYING.... anyway.... we talk for a bit and JK and Seth go to play pool.... well we keep talking and he is such a jackass.... so I wont disclose the actual nature of the conversation cause it will just piss me off... well... this all happened AFTER the Fubu tried to cut me off from alcohol. Like he totally told the bartender that I was cut off and he would say cut off and do that lil hand gesture at the throat. I was like... "yeah right" and he was Mr. Seriously Cutting Me Off. He said I had to drive back to Barnwell so I couldnt have anymore. I am thinking. Hmmm. I will cut YOU off... and if that is the case, I should have quit drinking HOURS ago! Well, I am nice. I am like.. "Dude. JK has my keys and he is so driving me home." So ... I got to keep drinking.... which I only had one more cup of beer.

So today I sleep in and I go to dinner with JK.


So anyway... not the best post I have ever done... but it is in fact, the last one.... I say that now, but hey, you never know.

So I will close with an awesome quote from an awesome movie: Michael Douglas knocks on bathroom door "Did you fall in?" Guy in the bathroom "Yes. I fell in". :)

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend.

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:10 PM 0 comments

This weekend can best be summed up in a random torrent of clips, quips, and phrases from the weekend... this is the montage of the weekend (ala "Rules of Attraction")...

Friday: Went to Mo and Ray's played Spades. Jodi and Ray beat our asses. Played Sevens. Mo knocked our dicks in the dirt on like every hand. Drunk, sober, it doesn't matter. The girl is like a damn machine. We drank beer that I bought at BiRite for the cheap ass price of like 12 bux for a 20 pack of bud longnecks. It was craziness. Almost as cheap as a coke. So, we played cards, we drank, and we ate Birthday Cake icecream by Mayfield. It was so bad ass... it was the best orgasm I have had in a while... few months at least. The icecream inspired the fact that fat kids will fuck for food. The phrase "I will give you a blow job for half of that pop tart" was coined. JK and I ventured over to the HoHo at like 5am. Our waitress' name was Popcorn. I shit you not. It was fun. Went home at like 6am.... fell asleep....

Saturday: Slept in. jodi called and we went to dinner at the BBQ place in town. It was good. I ate so much I didnt know whether I needed to shit or puke. I felt like Tracy Gold. We decided that we needed something to occupy our time. Went to see Mo, and no she has not yet given Tiny, her kitten, a bath. As a general rule, I advise against bathing felines, but I digress. Mo wanted to stay in, JK and I wanted to go iceskating. We decided to go drinking instead... so we hauled ass to Savannah. We went to the best bar ever "Savannah Smiles". We sang, we drank, we did Jello shots in 30cc syringes. It was awesome. We strolled to the beach at 3 am. I called a friend back to return voicemail. We drove home... decided not to pickup 6am gas station booty. Came home. Went to bed.

Sunday: Slept until 2. Woke up and went out for a bit of shopping. Spoke to the blessed bootycall and knew I was in for a good night. Came home, got dressed, talked on the cell to like everyone under the sun, watched the Sopranos and then drove to Walterboro. Say hey to like 3 people and then ventured into the bedroom with the fubu for the best 7 to 15 minutes of my life. It was good, I wont deny that, but we really have to do that more often.... I mean damn, you forget how much you miss sex. As JK would say, "He bear fucked me like I was in a grape nuts commercial" Aww yeah. Laid in bed and watched part of The Mummy Returns and Troy... and The Inlaws. Fun Fun Times. Came home, at 2:30 - went to bed... so i could get up at 6 and get my ass to work. Lovely lovely.

Hope your weekend was as kick ass as mine.

posted by Ashlyn @ 4:01 PM 1 comments