Retarded USC Girl

Last night is one of those nights that will be immortal. It will live on far beyond our short life spans... or at least the energy of it will. We went to this hole in the wall bar on Broad River for a little karaoke. Now, I will be honest... we all suck... and I mean even the really drunk people thought we sounded bad. It should have been embarrassing, but then again, we have no shame. Buddha and I sang "Sweet Caroline", I sang "Who WIll Save Your Soul", and Buddha, Delacie, James, and I sang "Piano Man". We drank, sang, laughed, and danced.

James was quite the casanova with the ladies if I do say so myself. I have come to realize that I LOVE karaoke! This week, between work, classes, and DG, I am gonna practice some stuff for this Friday night. I am all about some karaoke. It is amazingly fun.

I have to sit back now though and smile. I realize that the world lies at our fingertips and all you really have to do is reach up a little ways to grasp it. Most of us are too scared to lean up a little. Like perhaps we envision that opportunity as a hot iron or something destined to bring pain, but I have honestly found that 99 percent of the rejection we fear is only a reality in our minds. You are 10 times as marvelous as you think you are. Sometimes, it takes a while to realize that... and even longer to believe in it.... but when you do.... odds are good you will be on stage at a cheap dirty little bar singing something that vaguely resembles a Jewel cover... and looking over at your table of friends and seeing them smiling and clapping and loving you for you. Now, that is the best feeling in the world.... that is the feeling that makes you want to lean up and extend those fingers and steal every ounce of that moment and venture farther into the world.

posted by Ashlyn @ 10:05 AM 0 comments

Recap of the week... because, well you are gonna need a recap. I did the one thing I never thought I would do. I decided to join a sorority. The girls of Delta Gamma are amazingly nice and fun and just charismatic. I am so excited that they extended a bid to me, and I feel so very lucky right now. I feel like I am doing the right thing. It wasn't an easy decision for me to decide to "go greek", but I relal,y feel that in my heart of hearts, I have found my place.

My "Anchor Mates"(Becky and Ann Margaret) are cool as hell... as are the rest of the girls. When I got home for the bid party, Buddha and I went to Jake's for a few drinks. We came back only to be in traffic (My FAVE thing in the world next to pnut butter and birdseed and a large man named for an animal), and we wereat a redlight at the intersection of Blossom and Assembly... next to a 40ish guy in a gold caddy. I waved at him.... he proceeded to do everything short of licking the glass in response. It was hillarious. It really was a nice cap for the night.

Anyway, I am at work now and about to do some marketing homework. I shall post again tomorrow. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 2:40 PM 0 comments

unfamiliar places
getting the last word in just before the buzzer
some imaginary score board in my head
small victories
then those who freely give u the victory
take away the game
the score baord fades a little
the numbers dim
the totals merge
and u r involved in a new game now
a game where people take on ownership
not of scoreboards
or last words
but of each other
to lose that something that makes u human
to have that given to u
handed to u freely
as a gift
a package to unwrap slowly
to savor the contents
that u never worked for
and to wonder why u r deserving
to hold some small thing in your hand...
a trinket
but one u wished for and wanted
and to see that it was handed to u freely
and to wonder why
and to realize that u are winning the battles
and losing the war
but some wars... some wars you want to lose.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:05 PM 0 comments

Willy Wonka ( a mastermind in his own right) sang it best "separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream..". No wait he didnt sing that... the pedophile in the candy store did.... but that is beside the point. You have to focus in on the good stuff. I know that, I mean I really do... and I am typing it now, but I rarely do that. I have this mental wishlist of all the things I want... it goes something like this: easier classes, to have already graduated, a bigger dorm room, to be na RA next year, to be a camp counselor this summer, a never ending pack of cigarettes, better hair, better nails, softer skin, a smaller ass, an overall better image, more money, more time, less attitude, more attitude, a second chance.... the list goes on and on. Its sad. I lay down at night and I know that for me, all is right in my world. I have all the things I need, even a sassy little blog.... that i really want to change to a very Elle Woods kinda pink. I have an awesome life right now. My classes are good, my friends are great, my boyfriend is awesome, I am loving the flatscreen, and even when covered in birdshit, my car is pretty damn cute, but I still want things. Mainly they are things that I will eventually acquire--I hope. I mean, I can apply some effort to reduce the padding aorund my ass or to make more money.... but there are some things I cant change....
things that annoy me.

SO here is my wishlist... the real one...
I wish people would see me for me and not who they think I am or who they wish I could be... but just me
I wish people could give advice without expecting me to use it
I wish people would realize that right now is all that matters.
I wish people could realize that you dont have to understnad my relationships with people -- or my past. If it doesnt register in your brain or click for you, it is ok. It doesnt have to.... it just has to work for me.
I wish people wouldnt get mad at me for being me.... they should hate me for the things that go against who I am.... not the things that reinforce my identity
I wish people would laugh more and accuse less
I wish people would stop attempting to be my parents... I have 2 amazing ones already
I wish people would be as great as we build them up in our minds to be
I wish i could talk to whitman --- and have him answer back in a real time kinda way
I wish celery tasted better
I wish i could always feel rested... not that bitchy dragging ass state of mind I am gonna be in in a few hours.


I have to go to bed. Jimmy is gonna be ready to go to the gym at 7... I wont be alseep until 3 -- lovely. Good night world. Sleep is an amazing thing.... I miss it. Good night. Oh and note to you: I sleep with a 21 yr old teddy bear... physically -- he has seen better days, but I love him... maybe i am one of those codependent people. who knows... I might have to talk to DrPhil. lol. nite yall.

posted by Ashlyn @ 11:40 PM 0 comments