So we are all like colonic queens now - really, it's kinda sad... but there is nothing like the pride you feel when you can successfully hold two quarts of water in one sitting. :)
On a shittier note, pun intended: there are some people who are just miserable. I don't understand it. If I am having one of those days where I am just miserable, the last thing I want to do is make others miserable too. But - there is always going to be that one person in the building that can't stand for other people to have a good time. So very very sad. You can't help but feel sorry for someone like that. But then you can't feel sorry for them because we make our beds, don't we?
I have been watching Sex and the City a lot lately... ahh, it is such a good show. I am ready for the movie! Big - how can you not absolutely, head over heels LOVE that man? Ah, shame he isn't real.
So, I am giving the colon a rest tonight. I am going to Barnwell - as per usual towards the end of the week. Dad called after noon to tell me that he won't be in Barnwell - he has decided to go fishing. I'm glad he is getting out there and enjoying himself. Afterall, that is what life is all about.
So - staring in the face of miserable people everywhere - at work, in the grocery store, at the hospital today... everywhere.... I realize that I need to have more of those moments like my Dad is having - out and about having fun. I haven't done that lately.
So - here comes the question - what, exactly, am I going to do? Watch Grey's or CSI marathons while eating brownies that I will flush out of my ass later? No, no.... there must be more to life than this.... A concert. I think I need to go to a concert.... it has been too long. Or Bowling - I love to bowl, but I always injure myself... Hmm... I guess I will ust have to see where the weekend takes me.
Labels: colon update
I have been entertaining the idea of getting a colonic for years now. Celebrities do it all the time. It cleanses the colon, eliminates toxins, and bada bing - helps you lose weight. I was not sure exactly how much hefty waste material was lurking in my body, weighing me down (one can always hope for 20 to 25 pounds when stepping on the scale, but what is realistic? One pound? two?) So, with these thoughts in mind - last night I was ass raped by a hose and roughly two quarts of enema solution.
How it works: Let's get the mysteries of colon cleansing out of the way. Yes, it is one of those experiences where not only do you lose waste, you also lose your diginity - slowly but surely.
Basically, you fill a bag that resembles a large IV bag with a solution of warm distilled water and the mixins of your choosing. For me, it was the Castile soap (I think next time I will go for the coffee enema.) The bag has a LONG hose on the end and a clip just like one would find on an IV to control the flow of water. For a faster flow - slide the clip over so that it is not pinching the line. For a slower flow, well.. you get the idea. Now, hang the bag. The gravity metric here is scarily similar to a beer bong.
Now you have a host of positions to try. Lying on your back to fill the descenfing colon... then flipping to your side to fill the ascending colon - all while somehow massaging the abdomen and managing to not shoot this water back out of your ass.
It is always touted in the media as feeling great... And I guess it does if you really like having a shit pain followed by a "gotta get this hose out of my ass right now" moment.
So, let me just sum up the experience by saying this: It was not as bad as I was anticipating. In fact, I think the novice experience is likely to be less than perfect for everyone. All in all - not too shabby, but I don't want to turn into one of those ladies that sits home on weekends giving myself enemas. This is not a lifestyle.
However, I could have done a few things differently.
1. I could have realized sooner that you really do need to control the flow of the solution (that clip is there for a reason)
2. I could have recognized the sensation where the hose is about to fly out of my ass (and stopped the water flow a few seconds BEFORE that.
3. I could have read ALL the directions a little more carefully
4. I could have realized that you may not be able to "take it all"... at once. 2 quarts is a LOT of water.
... and finally....
5. I could have realized that you should let all the air out of the hose BEFORE you begin.
See - Carrie Bradshaw never had to write about enemas - this is what desperate for material must look like :)
Labels: colonic
