Thursday, May 26, 2005

There is that calm before the storm.... when emotion cease to be and actions simply fill their absence. So, I say this as I very calmly get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and a fleece jacket- pink of course.... and casually write down my mom's medications as we load into the car to take her to the Emergency Room.

...hoping almost desperately that this is the calm beofre the calm.... and the storm just passes us by.

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:11 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The random things that I saw at work today:

I just HAD to have the one patient that shits on himself. Nothing screams sex appeal like a man with approximately two pounds of dung bringing up the rear. I learned that people eat Vicks Vapor Rub when they are sick.... and drink the version that they are supposed to put into the humidifier..... then when they go to the ER... they say they meant to take NyQuil but grabbed that bottle by mistake. When you see a Pap smear on the schedule for like 4:oo or later... you know its not gonna be good. whew.

Random things that I have seen at work recently:

People refer to the clitoris as "the little man in the boat". People refer to the asshole as the "Donut". People lie to me when they think I am a telemarketer. I have seen urine that looks like coffee... with cream in it. People bring in shit samples... just for the hell of it. I have seen one cool thing... a really feaking infected leg that i was cleaning and dressing.... looked like he was half man/ half steak. awesome! I had a girl ask me if she should just pee into the toilet paper when I needed her to give me a urine sample. "no. the cup would be fine". WTF does she expect me to do? ring it out? Some people's children.

I have been using that phrase a lot these past few weeks. I see something incredibly dumb or retarded and I am like "Some people's children..." The ... is very important. That is the point where my voice just starts to trail off and i start slowly shaking my head. Man... I am southern.

Well... I didnt get much sleep last night. I have come to the realization that I am getting really old. I was tlaking to Randy on the phone last night and he actually said "We are not spring chickens" (this was a conversation regarding Mini Coopers... but it is still relevant). We usually go to bed really early... esp compared to our college days... we were all night owls. Now I am like early to bed, early to rise. I am doing the hair really corkscrew little bo peep curly tomorrow so everyone at owrk can see how retarded my hair can be.... plus I am practicing for wedding hair... 2 weeks till Mo is a married woman....

Anyway... lack of sleep is making me crazy. Oh and NCIS rocked tonight. Nite yall!

posted by Ashlyn @ 6:50 PM 0 comments

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Seth tells me I desperately need to update my website.... and he is right... so maybe when I get a spare weekend or weeknight, I will. Promise.... (fingers crossed cause I am such a lazy bitch). So, Buster is the grand 20 pound cat... a tom... and just as sweet as you please... until he gets pissed off. Anyway, if you sit down... the minute he hears your ass hit the chair, he jumps in your lap, demands to be petted and falls fast asleep. When he is outside and in the presence of other animals.... he will let you pet him briefly.... but you cannot hold him and he most certainly will not sit in your lap. This is odd coming from the cat that cries every morning for Daddy to carry him on his shoulder like a baby in need of burping. So, mom decided that he just doesnt want the other cats to see him ... "it will make him look like a pussy". Yet again, mother has hit the nail on the head.

I am once again addicted to scouring the net in search of retarded personal ads. There are the men who look like pimps, the dorks, the dweebs, the occassional hottie that you know must be a closet queer.

Speaking of queers.... hahaha oh I am not even gonna go there. You know how I love my gay boys... but there are some gay men I do not like.... you know the type of men I mean... the ones that pretend they are straight..... oh well.. some other time.

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend...... and by lovely... I hope u partied hard and woke up a pool of your own vomit. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 12:06 PM 0 comments