Thursday, December 01, 2005

people change.

It is inevitable. Some of us change for the better.... some for the worst. I like to think that the changes that have occurred in my life have been for the best. I have a "real" job, working and living in a new city far from home, in a circle of friends that I adore and is expanding. I am happy. What more could I ask for?

I look and see my friends and others around me.... some turned to drugs or alcohol along the way. Some turned into the person they wished they could be... and so they are now someone else... partially... like a cheap dress two sizes too small... covering the obvious, but the reality is visible even beneath the shroud. One stopped being fun.... and in the long run, I have to look and say, Damn.... I guess some changed for the worst.

and what's the point of this entry or the point of whole line of thought anyway? well, quite simply, I am just thinking back over the years, and I am wondering how one person can change so completely.. to the point where you wouldnt recognize him/her if you passed in a crowd. I am not really talking about physical changes here... but emotional or personality changes.

I am just as retarded as I have ever been... maybe more so. I am fun to the core.. like Maxwell House... good to the last drop. All in all, I am just as I have been. So here is the thought.... when someone changes so completely that they are obviously not the person you once knew... what do you do? For me, as this happened pretty recently with an old friend... you mourn the loss of the person you knew.... and that mourning process starts the moment they begin to morph into this person that is someone else entirely. So, by the time this person is out of your life, there is no void. There is no vacany. They are merely the strangers on the street... in Target parking lot who forget to wave.

Isn't it funny how through all of the changes we experience... some things remain the same. Some people will always remain the same... and that is the best part. Your colege friends will move on and marry... so will your high school friends... and a choice few of them will always be just as fabulous and lively as you remember them. Those are the friends that you live for. :)

posted by Ashlyn @ 8:50 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I'm old.

This is a sad realization when you are only 24. Today I am saying "only 24" to feel young... a week ago I was saying, "damn. i feel 18... but I am fucking 24 years old". Well, reality set in... it happened... I was brushing my hair... and I found that yes, oh yes, indeed... I am a 24 year old with gray hair. I dropped the brush in the sink and stared in the mirror for the longest time. Before I know it, my ass and boobs are going to start sagging.... and I will not longer be fucking senior citizens as a service to the community, but because we have so much in common. I love to watch The Golden Girls... but I dont want to be one! It's funny... the way we equate gray hair with being old.... much like we equate blond highlights to summer. It was as if I was watching the youthful days of my life flash before me... one bar crawl after another... the men were rolling in and out of my bed like they were candies in a Pez dispenser... and then I picked up the brush.... kept brushing my hair and continued to stare into the mirror.... and this time, I was smiling... because, well.. I look damn good for an old bitch!

have a wonderful evening everyone. good night, moon.

posted by Ashlyn @ 7:58 PM 0 comments